4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE

Advertisement

Federal Crypt Keeper Judge Forced To Step Down Because She's Gotta Be Damn Near Illiterate At The Age of Ninety-Fuckin-Six

Bloomberg. Getty Images.

A 96-year-old federal appeals court judge was suspended from hearing cases on Wednesday after she refused to comply with an order to undergo neurological tests over concerns that she's not mentally fit to serve on the bench.

The big picture: The Judicial Council's unanimous order to suspend D.C. Judge Pauline Newman for one year comes as the issue of age and capacity to serve has come to the fore in all three branches of government in recent weeks, with calls for imposing age limits and giving older politicians mental competency tests.

Driving the news: The Judicial Council's order states that there's "overwhelming evidence" that Newman "may be experiencing significant mental problems including memory loss, lack of comprehension, confusion, and an inability to perform basic tasks that she previously was able to perform with ease" — allegations that her attorney called "baseless."

I am so sick of all these old ass judges and politicians. Whether it's sleepy Joe, old-ass Trump, Mitch McConnel, or Diane Feinstein, there has gotta be a mass exit of these invalids. 

This is the problem with lifetime appointments to the courts. Eventually, those lifetimes get longer. When the ole Constitution was written, the average age of death was like 45. 

If folks survived childhood and reached adulthood, they could expect to live into their 40s or 50s but you'd rarely find someone in their fucking 70s much less their 90s. Now someone can get put on the bench at like 40 and end up sitting there until they die 50 years later. 

Think about it, this old ass was on the bench in 1984 after being born in 1927. Her husband could have fought at the Battle of the Iwo Jima. 

The year she took the bench the Prime Minister of India, Indira Gandhi, was assassinated by her bodyguards in retaliation for Operation Blue Star. Los Angeles hosted the Summer Olympics, which saw the Soviet Union and several other Eastern Bloc countries boycotting in response to the U.S.-led boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics. Two years after she took the bench, the Chernobyl nuclear power plant in Ukraine suffered a catastrophic explosion and meltdown, resulting in the worst nuclear disaster in history. It had far-reaching environmental and health consequences.

So, she's fuckin old. She got removed from the bench and everyone else past 75 should be too. No presidents. No senators. No representatives should be seated at the government table that old. 

One last thing to show how old she is: she was able to run for president 60 years ago. 

Old.