Travis Kelce Just Got Simp-Zoned By Taylor Swift So Hard That He Set Back Men Everywhere

I know Taylor Swift is Kelly's jurisdiction. But having sex too soon in a relationship is definitely my turf. And all this Kelswift… Tayvis… Travlor? drama has now taken a turn for impure, improper, doomed-to-hell territory. 

Yesterday, Kelly clarified that Taylor does not, in fact, take Travis Kelce seriously: 

They've hung out only two times. Taylor is in her fun-girl era and is strictly having fun right now. Travis is embarrassed. He's told her he would love to continue seeing her. 

Oh God. Oh, fuck me dead. Can someone get Andrew Tate on the line? Travis, what is you doing! You gave it up on either the first or second date only to realize that Taylor is "just having fun?" You poor, groveling, puppy-eyed, out-of-your-element SIMP. 

What a mistake from Travis. Every guy in the world knows not to give it up on the first or second date. Easier said than done obviously; desires of the flesh overpower even the best-laid plans. I'm sure Travis told himself before the date, during the date, and at the end of the date "I'm not having sex with her." Probably even said it out loud when she asked him if he wanted to come upstairs for a nightcap. Of course all that did was put the idea out there into the ether. She probably responded by saying "sex?! Of course not!" But now they're both thinking about it and, well, we all know how things turned out thanks to Taylor's insider and Kelly Keegs.  

"Taylor's strictly having fun." 

Pathetic. Zero willpower from Travis. Uhm, earth to Travis, ever heard of the three-date rule? Were you born yesterday, you lascivious little skankapotamus? Too late now. Can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. Good luck keeping Taylor interested now that you've given her allllllll the power. 

Their text exchange the next day:

"So Jason…"

"So Taylor ;)" 

"I think you're a really great guy."

"Same to you! I mean… girl. lol. I'm not gay!"

"And you're very charming." 

"Aww."

"But."

"Fuck." 

"I just got out of a seven-year relationship."

"Yep. You mentioned that."

"And I'm just having fun right now."

"Same! I'm having SO MUCH FUN. My friends started calling me Fun-Man because I can't stop smiling." 

"So maybe we can just… see where the wind takes us?"

"You bet." 

"Roll with the punches?"

"Let's roll!" 

"And we're not exclusive." 

"Oh. No. Obviously."

"We're dating other people." 

"Well, I'm not."

"But I am."

"So wait—just so I totally understand this, by dating you mean…"

"Anything goes."

"Anything meaning…"

"Like what we did the other night."

"You're making love to other people?!"

"I'm not ruling it out."

"But… but I let you make love to me."

"Yes! And it was fun!" 

"Fun? That's all that was to you?"

"I thought so!"

"I don't just… I don't do that with a lot of people." 

"That's ok, Travis." 

"It takes a lot for me to feel comfortable with someone." 

"Travis, I gotta go. We just got to Rome and the Pope wants to have lasagna." 

"Oh. Ok."

"We'll pick this up when I'm back." 

"Alright. Bye Tay." 

"Don't call me Tay." 

"Sorry."