NY Post - When Vince Conley boarded an American Airlines flight from Little Rock, Arkansas, to Dallas on Tuesday, he thought he was in for a smooth ride.
Instead, what was supposed to be an easy 90-minute flight turned into a nine-hour hellish ordeal on a cramped plane — but ended happily thanks to good Samaritans.
Excuse me? What a bunch of cowards. Last I checked, we live in America. Public enemy #1 in this country is Big Airplane. They fuck us over on a daily basis. Delaying our flights for hours on end, sending our luggage to the wrong country, flying us directly into the World Trade Center. Since the dawn of plane, Big Airplane has been our rival. When Big Airplane ruins your plans, even by just an hour, it's your patriotic duty to cause a scene.
“I’m like, ‘I feel like we’ve been flying for a long time,’ but you know, you start chit-chatting with people [and] you kind of lose track,” Conley, who was flying back home to Texas after a work trip, told The Post.
American Airlines flight 5085 was scheduled to depart at 4:30 p.m. on Sept. 18. But when Conley looked at his phone and saw that the time was 6:30 p.m. — about a half hour after the plane was originally supposed to land at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport — he knew something was awry.
That’s when the pilot told passengers that the plane had been diverted to a small airport in Wichita Falls, Texas, due to a severe impending storm, as DFW was not allowing landings or takeoffs.
If the American Airlines passengers on flight 5085 are just going to bend the knee and patiently wait in their seats while the commercial pilot strokes his dick and does barrel rolls over Texas for god knows how long, how will Big Airplane learn their lesson? But more importantly, how are sports media companies like Barstool supposed to sensationalize the story to the tune of 50,000 pageviews? Our economy relies on viral airplane freakouts. Viral airplane freakouts pay my bills.
The fact that American Airlines turned a 90-minute flight into a 9-hour nightmare, and it ended in a wholesome moment is disgusting. Not a single video of a deranged but hot woman swearing at a flight attendant. Not a single life threatened. Not a single very important thread. Not a child screaming at the top of his lungs to escalate the situation to an uncomfortable level. Just a bunch of content passengers "chatting with each other", and "making the best out of an unfortunate situation" and "understanding that the delays are out of the flight crew's control and they're just as frustrated as you are."
The “transparent” pilot and the flight attendants were “amazing,” Conley said, with the all passengers stuck on the small plane — a CRJ-900, to be exact, which only has about 79 seats — turning into a team.
The man Conley was sitting next to, Joshua Chandler, even put on a pretend duck tour for the young kids, as he had been on one earlier that day, blowing the yellow duck whistle around his neck.
“I didn’t hear anyone where I was down on the plane being negative or crabby, I’m sure it happened here or there but everyone made the best of a really crappy moment,” Conley said.
Everyone knows the only way to get back at the airlines is by berating low-level employees who aren't involved in any decision making whatsoever, and making their lives a living hell. If your day is ruined by flight delays, then their day deserves to be double ruined. That's what they get for selling their souls to Big Airplane for $60,000 a year.
I can only hope these passengers read my blog and learn from their mistakes. If you were on American Airlines flight 5085, take some time to watch these videos and learn how a real American behaves on an airplane.