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The Philadelphia Phillies Are Violently Addicted To Making The Ball Go Boom

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Baseball is such a simple sport. Yet that's not going to stop all the nerds out there from trying to complicate the everliving shit out of it with stats like Wins Above Replacement and Late-inning Pressure Situation and Bequeathed Runners Scored. I mean what are we even doing here? We've got these dorks out here sneaking SAT words like "bequeathed" into this game when really the only thing that matters is if you can hit the ball really hard, and make it go really far. As long as you can hit the piss out of the ball, you're going to win a lot of baseball games. 

Case in point--the Philadelphia Phillies. 

You think the Phillies give a heck about advanced analytics? Not a chance. All they care about is making the ball go boom time and time again. 

Do me a favor and go print out a list of all the advanced stats in baseball. Then you're going to take that piece of paper, you're going to crumple it up into a little ball, and then you can shove it right up your ass. Baseball has always been, and will always be, about blasting the ball into orbit. 7 hits on the night, and 5 of them were home runs. All the Phillies have to do is that exact same every single night for the next month and a half, and we'll be parading down Broad Street. 

They can figure out the pitching woes sometime later. It looked great last night with Wheeler only giving up 1 run in 6 innings. Obviously the rest of the rotation has been rough lately. But the best defense is a relentless and insatiable offense. If you want to win baseball games, just hit the shit out of the ball. Plain and simple. I don't know why other teams haven't figured that out yet, but I'm sure glad the Phillies have.