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No More Read Receipts: Changes I Would Make To The New iPhone

The new iPhone 15 is dropping this Friday and I'm sure we're just going to get a bunch of new minor changes that don't actually matter and nobody really wants. I think I'm getting to the point where I see no need to ever get a new iPhone unless mine breaks or Apple releases some revolutionary technology. Here are some features I would love for them to implement in the new iPhone. 

A "You're talking about this person" alert

This is for that unfortunate moment when you screenshot a text with a person to send to someone else, but accidentally send right back to them. Maybe Gavin says something stupid that you just HAVE to send to Chester but you're about to send it right back to Gavin! You'd get an alert that just says "You're sending this screenshot back to Gavin idiot!" Also could be useful if you want to shit talk someone in a group chat that you forget they're a part of. 

Group Chat Stats

This might be my favorite and most doable one. I want to know when a group chat was created, the different names we've had for it, who's sent the most messages, who's the LVP who's sent the least, who's got the most "haha" reactions, who's got the most dislikes, the most used words, etc. It's basically like a Spotify Wrapped for text messages. 

Text Preview Alert

I want to be alerted when I'm texting someone who has their text previews available on their lock screen. Where it shows the name of the person who texted you and the full message. Those people are reckless renegades with no concern for human life. I'd like to know if I'm texting someone where that's going to happen. It feels like they are invading MY privacy if they have that on. 

Amber Alert For Rain

It happens too often where I leave my apartment forgetting an umbrella because I didn't realize it's raining. I want an Amber Alert style message sent to my phone to buzz and shit to remind me "Don't leave the house without an umbrella idiot." I also would like to get rid of the Cupertino weather because I do not care about that and feel envious when their weather is nicer than ours. 

"Someone Else Has My Phone" Mode

We all know that moment of anxiety when you hand your phone over to someone else to look at something. It's not like I have anything criminal on my phone but I'd still rather not give someone full access to the device with literally everything about my life on it. So this would be some mode you just toggle on that locks everything on your phone outside of whatever it is that you're showing the other person. 

No More Read Receipts

Read receipts are for children. Anyone who actually uses them and wants to prove like "Hey I really didn't see your message until 2:42 PM! See! Here's the proof!" feels sneaky and untrustworthy to me. There's ways to read texts without triggering the read receipt. Unless you're in like a high school relationship there's no need for it. We're all adults. I'll read your message when I read it and I'll respond when I want to respond. 

Bring back the headphone jack

Maybe I'm just listening to Joe Rogan and Aaron Rodgers too much but I do have some slight concern about this whole brain waves causing cancer thing. 

Make Bluetooth and Airdrop work

I do not have the technological skills to actually make this happen but I would say these features actually work less than half of the time. Someone's gotta be able to fix that, we have a telescope going to alien planets for God's sake. 

Infinite Battery and Storage

This one seems a bit logistically difficult and may actually be impossible to pull off. But I feel like there's just gotta be a way to do it. 

So those are all the changes I would make if put in charge of Apple. Instead they'll probably just re-arrange our home screen or something.