Fire Up The Delorean - I Constructed A Roster Of Barstool Employees That Would Win A College Football National Championship In The 1940s

Interesting healthy debate brought up by Doogs this morning - if Doc Brown showed up and Barstool could go back to 1940, how would we do in college football?

Disclaimer: I watched Doogs' high school highlights from his sophomore year and I stand by my assessment. I am willing to reassess if he has a senior highlight tape. Sorry, Doogs. 

So if we had to put together a team comprised of Barstool Sports athletes, what would that team look like? For reference, these are the types of players we would go up against:

Here is our roster by position. We can assume most of the guys would go both ways in the same fashion of the days of yore. 

Quarterback - Me. Duh. 

You think I'm coming up with the hypothetical and not putting myself at QB? Are you new? I barely got any burn at QB in college but the fact is it wasn't due to my physical ability. Put me under center in 1940 and I'm spinning that rock all over the yard and pitching it with the best of em.

Running Back/WR/DB - Arian Foster

Wesley Hitt. Getty Images.

This is the biggest no brainer and I don't need to explain why. I am not sure that anyone in 1940 would be able to tackle him and it's more likely that he would put many folks in the hospital if they tried. 

Running Back/WR/DB - Caleb 

I've played enough softball and basketball to know that Caleb was/is a very good athlete. Some of you might say he should be QB but I'd remind you that I'm writing this blog but also, he is a better athlete than me and in 1940, we need to get the ball in his hands. 

Running Back/WR - Francis

ICYMI Francis played lacrosse at Harvard and that was his 8th best sport. Similar to Caleb, I've seen Francis play sports and he has legit speed and fast twitch ability. Notice I don't have him going both ways - Francis strikes me as a Frank Gifford type who only totes the rock, he doesn't tackle. 

 OL/DL - Taylor Lewan

Do I have to go into detail? My man could likely block the entire DL himself in 1940 with that wingspan plus his mustache certainly fits. 

TE/DE  - Billy Football

They didn't really have TEs back then but this is okay because I need another big dude to block and as we know, Billy can't really catch the ball anyway. 

Specialist - WSD

No, I don't mean specialist in the sense that I need a punter/kicker. I mean this as the guy who goes in the same to dive at the other team's best player's knees. I feel like that was an acceptable practice in 1940 and although I don't condone dirty play, there is no controlling that raccoon boy. 

TE/LB - Will Compton

If Will played pro ball in 1940 we would be firmly in year 10 and that's not up for debate. Massive glue guy. All heart. Not to mention he could have a bookie on the side and the NFL would be none the wiser. 

OL/LB - Trent

If you're new, educate yourself by watching the video above. Trent is the definition of a lunch pail guy and that is exactly how you win football games in 1940. Plus I think in 1940 the more Midwest guys you have the better. 

OL - Large

Listen. I need to fill the roster and I'm pretty sure Large would be the biggest guy in the league in 1940. Plus, he has gout and I think that was a lot more common in 1940. He can't move all that well these days but did you watch the highlights? No one was setting the world on fire with how nimble they were. 

OL - Big T

His size. That's it. I have no clue if he's played a down of football in his life.

FB/DL/K - PFT

Toughness is a prerequisite for 1940s football and anyone willing to play rugby certainly has a few screws loose. Not to mention, we need a kicker even though I don't think we will ever really find ourselves in 4th down situations.

OL/DL - Feits

Some of you are thinking, isn't Feits small to play OL? In 1940 he ain't and not to mention, he has the hands of a brick layer so he will fit right in no problem. Also, he can be the one to hand out the cigarettes and whiskey at halftime. 

Get Him On The Field Somewhere - Biz

Flat out, he has much too much experience with contact to not be out there somewhere. It's entirely possible he gets himself banned from the league for fighting but damn if I don't want him on my team. 

OL/DL/LB - Chief, Carl, Smitty

Chief will cry if he's not part of the hypothetical that includes us playing against his beloved Notre Dame in their heyday. Carl's size and arm strength makes him a valuable asset. CTE didn't exist back in 1940 so Smitty would be great to have running into people without concern for his brain. 

Bench - Titus, Dana, Reags. Our basketball contingent. Titus has experience there (this isn't rude because I rode the bench in college too and he wrote an entire book about it so how about you pipe down) and Reags is a basketball guy so he likely hates contact. Dana did average 12 and 10 though so we could find a spot for him. 

Assistant Coach - RA

If you watched the latest sandbagger you'll see that a guy roaming the sidelines guzzling booze just makes sense.

Bag Guy - Jersey Jerry

I don't know why, but in 1940 it feels like this is a required role and I can think of no one better. 

Party Guy - Stu

I think in 1940 there was more focus on the celebration than training in the offseason so we need Stu. Although his size fits for 1940 football. 

Head Coach - Dave

Dave coached the Barstool basketball team and we won exactly zero games so it stands to reason we just needed to put together a football team. 

So there you have it, your 1940 National Champions. We would go undefeated and unscored upon while averaging 63 points per game. Simple as that. 

NOTABLE OMISSIONS

KFC - Have you seen the original Barstool Draft Combine? That mess wouldn't even cut it against plumbers and electricians. 

Whitney - Was he a very successful pro athlete? Yes. Was he an Olympic athlete? Yes. Would he be a great addition to the team? Yes. But I don't think Whit wants to be bothered these days with even hypothetical scenarios where he might have to hit people when he'd rather be playing golf. 

Rico - Sorry, you don't get to call me a back-up and bag on my athletic career for years while you played on the equivalent of a club team in college and couldn't hold my jock. I could've started on your team when I was a sophomore in high school. Remember as Dave said, D3 football is pointless. 

Dan - I don't think Dan has the stamina and he would also get us in trouble with throwing games for his bookie. 

Brandon Walker - For no other reason than it will irk him to no end to be left off a hypothetical football team.