The Top 5 Empires That Men Should Actually Be Thinking About Instead Of The Roman Empire

The rise and fall of the Roman Empire is something any great man should be thinking about daily. The Romans invented aqueducts, the calendar we use today, and placing your dick along someone's nose at a sleep-over. BUT, you are a bit of a basic bitch if the empire you think of most often is the Roman Empire. Here are 5 empires you should be thinking of regularly instead ...

5.  Austro-Hungarian Empire: The catalyst of World War I which ultimately set up a crazier sequel decades later with World War II. If you told me the average male thinks about WWII three times a day, it would be more believable than thinking about the Roman Empire. Some of Hollywood's best films wouldn't have a clear cut bad guy if it wasn't for WWI and WWII. Thank the Ottoman Empire for indirectly making the Indiana Jones Trilogy so successful. 

4. Empire: Lasting only 6 seasons on Fox, this dynasty started off strong in the eyes of critics, but came to its untimely demise after its citizens began lying about fake sieges. 

3. Incan Empire: The largest empire in the Americas at the time, in one of the most unforgiving landscapes, the Inca's deserve more credit than they receive aka Mel Gibson should have made Apocolypto about the Incan Empire and not the Mayan Empire. 

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2.  Empire Carpet & Flooring: The key to having a long lasting empire is indoctrinating the masses with propaganda. You can look at this picture and hear the jingle. The empire still lives on today with leader Seymour Cohen forever immortalized as a 3-D cartoon god like deity for carpet and flooring. 

1. The Mongolian Empire: Over 16 million people living today share the same DNA as Genghis Khan. That's enough fucking to make Nick Cannon and Antonio Cromartie look like sterile virgins. The mongols were one of the most unstoppable military forces of all-time. Genghis Khan was the Bill Belichick of his day the way he changed warfare and exploited his enemies weaknesses to gain victory. 

Barry Lewis. Getty Images.