Reports Say Aaron Rodgers Achilles Injury is Due to Hard Drug Use & Lack of Church

We were all thinking it. About time someone had the guts to say the truth. You can be born with all the athletic talent in the world, spend as much time practicing and watching film as you'd like. But if you're not going to church... good luck keeping that 39-year old Achilles tendon in one piece.

What else are you doing on Sunday's, Aaron? That athiest lifestyle might fly when you're younger. But our God is a vengeful God. He'll only let you get away with that 'not praising me' shit for so many years until he comes from your Achilles. Remember the story of Noah's Ark? God wasn't pleased, so he flooded the earth. He looked around at the world and saw it was corrupt and full of bitches. So he decided to wipe it all out and start fresh. Is that what's happening to Aaron Rodgers? Yes, it is. That's the thing about God. He loves each and every one of his children unconditionally. But if you don't fold your hands and compliment him frequently enough he will strike you down and ruin your life. 

You know who does praise god?

Gregory Shamus. Getty Images.

You think God wants to come home after a long morning of being at every church in the world and watch Athiest Aaron throw the ball around the field? Hell Heavens no. He want's to watch a good Mormon boy like Zach Wilson lead his team to a wholesome God-fearing victory. God wants to cheer for a man who sings his praises and lives life in his image.

I haven't even mentioned the drugs yet. Is taking Ayahuasca going weaken your Achilles? It certainly doesn't strengthen it. I can't imagine how pissed off God was watching him do drugs in a safe dark room. I'm not sure what Aaron Rodgers is searching for that he can't find within the walls of a church. The answers to the universe? The meaning of life? You don't need drugs to discover that. Not if you have a Bible. 

Hopefully this will be a wakeup call for Rodgers. This doesn't have to be the last we see of him on the football field. If he gets his shit together, and maybe attends a bible study or two, God will give him another chance. If I were Rodgers, I'd spend the remainder of my season watching how Zach Wilson, a man of God, goes about his business. Soak in everything he does. Learn his ways. Then maybe God will forgive you and reward you with a season of good health in 2024.

(Do Mormons worship the same God as Christians? I hope so because if not then this blog makes zero sense. Although if I'm keeping with the "God rewards football players who worship him" bit, that would explain why Zach Wilson sucks so much)