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Chris Pine's Directorial Debut "Poolman" Is Apparently A DISASTER

Chris Pine has become one of those actors that I really do enjoy seeing in movies. I think many people's first exposure to him was when he starred in the "Star Trek" reboot. I remember thinking he was good in that, and I feel like he's grown as an actor. I won't rush to the theater to see a Chris Pine movie, but he's always good. Even in bad movies (Wonder Woman 84), he usually stands out. He's been around long enough now that it makes sense for him to dip his feet in the directorial pond. I did not know he was directing a film, but he did. It's called "Poolman," and apparently it's a giant piece of shit. 

The IndieWire article I linked to features some of the most angry and scathing criticism I've ever heard for a film. 

If Harry Styles had actually hacked a gob of spit in Chris Pine’s lap, it may have been because he had recently watched the fellow actor’s feature directorial debut: the paranoid noir satire “Poolman.” It’s a film so abysmal in its writing and assembly that there were numerous walkouts during its premiere at this year’s Toronto International Film Festival. TIFF 2023 has played host to more actor-turned-directors than usual — Michael Keaton, Anna Kendrick, Viggo Mortensen, Ethan Hawke, Patricia Arquette and Finn Wolfhard, to name a few — and whether it’s a coincidence, or an attempt to get around the ongoing SAG strikes by having celebrity directors show face, programming “Poolman” in any capacity feels like a severe ethical breach.

Holy shit, dude. An ethical breach? Since when does Hollywood care about ethics?  This isn't just one bad review, either. If you just Google "Poolman," you will be greeted by tons of reviews ripping this thing to shreds. What could possibly be so bad about it? There are certain films that may feature controversial subject matter, and I understand why critics may become vitriolic with their hatred. Very little is known about this movie. What could possibly be so hatable about it?

No trailer has been released for this movie. The premise seems relatively straightforward. It's about a poolman who unlocks a mystery. I mean, that premise doesn't exactly jump off the page, but it seems like most critics' big complaint is that the movie is a comedic mystery that's void of any comedy or mystery. Yeah, that's a huge problem. 

I'm at a point now where I'm actively trying to avoid movies that I won't like. Something like "Poolman" may be the one exception. If you're going to make shit, make spectacular shit. I love watching train wrecks. It's too bad because I like Chris Pine. And who knows? Maybe one day, Chris Pine will go on to direct an amazing movie, and we'll forget about this one, but the fact that you have professional critics walking out of a movie during its premiere is a rough look. 

It'll be interesting to see what kind of release this movie gets. Given the negative word of mouth, it wouldn't shock me if a studio just buried it. But it'll definitely see the light of day. Something tells me it won't be as bad as critics and making it out to be. Critics at festivals are nothing if not hyperbolic. But it's been a long time since I've seen a film receive this kind of negative reception.