Daily Mail - Americans rank the United Kingdom as the best country in the world, a poll has revealed.
The U.S. News & World Report survey - which aggregates data from worldwide respondents in a range of categories - found its American readers rated the UK as better than anywhere else on the planet.
It represented a climb of eight places on the ranking, beating out New Zealand in second place and the US itself in third.
How dare you! How absolutely dare you!
(that clip has nothing to do with this blog I just remembered the "how absolutely dare you" guy and it made me laugh so wanted to share it)
But how absolutely dare you America. When a random stranger approaches you on the street, or someone online offers your $10 to complete survey about which country is best, there's only one answer.
Real American's don't recognize that other countries might be objectively better than us in certain areas. Real Americans become violent at the mere notion of another country outperforming us in any conceivable way. As a matter of fact, real American's don't take surveys at all. They ignore the nice woman on the street with a clipboard looking for volunteers to answer questions for cancer research. Real Americans do things like say the Pledge of Allegiance, keep bald eagles as pets, and smoke Marlboro Reds while lifting weights. And if they do get roped into taking a survey, they certainly don't admit that we think the United Kingdom is better than us.
Of all places. The United Kingdom. Real American's don't even know what that is. Is it just England or does it include the other countries? Is the UK just another way of saying Great Britain, or is Great Britain a whole 3rd thing? I have no clue. If we want to be the UK so bad, then what the Revolutionary War about? Might as well just wipe your ass with George Washingtons wig.
And I'm supposed to believe that New Zealand is the 2nd best country in the world.. Australia's little brother? The country where the athletes do choreographed dances before games? Was this survey conducted at a Lord Of The Rings convention? Those are the only the New Zealand references I know. I barely know where it is on a map. I can't accept that.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the airport to shake the hand of every troop I see and force him into a 5 minute conversation so everyone in the terminal can see how much of a patriot I am.