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I Formally Request That The US Open Move the Women’s Finals To 8:30pm on Saturday Night So I Can Root For Aryna Sabalenka In Person and Fulfil My Villain Arc

So in case you’ve been living in a cave I’ve turned into a huge tennis fan this past week.  Or more specifically a huge Aryna Sabalenka fan.    It all started on Monday Night when I went to the US Open for the 1st time and Sabs happened to be playing when I got to my seats and I was instantly captivated by her.   She hits the ball a billion miles per hour and is extremely animated at all times.   Like I’m talking screaming at herself, her coaches, throwing rackets etc.  She’s must watch TV.    I fell in love with her instantly and I’ve bet on her the last two matches.  Last night she pulled off one of the great comebacks in the history of the US Open after dropping the 1st set 6-0 and being left for dead.   Honestly no exaggeration it was one of the most electric sporting events I’ve ever watched.


Anyway this morning I woke up to a DM from Sabalinka inviting me to sit in her coaches box for the finals on Saturday.   Imagine that?   Me constantly on National TV rooting against Coco Gauff in the US Open Finals?  Me against the entire stadium and country?  Me rooting for a Belarus tennis player vs an American?  The internet would have exploded.  "There goes racist Dave again!  Of course he'd root against a black woman in the finals!"  Wallo and Gillie would have had to do a redemption tour across the country apologizing for being my friend.  The hit pieces would have been through the roof.  It would have been chaos and I would have lived for every second of it.   The only problem is I’m going to be at Alabama for our college football show at the same exact time as the Finals.   It sucks, but there is nothing I can do.  Unless of course the US Open moves the Finals to primetime which is where it should be to begin with.   Sabalenka deserves the bright lights not the 4pm shadows.  Such a stupid start time to begin with.  So let’s make this right US Open.  Move the start time a few hours and I’ll parachute in from the heavens and complete my villain arc.


PS – I know I said I’m never betting Tennis again but I’m going to put the farm on Sabalenka.