The Philadelphia Eagles kick off their revenge tour on Sunday. After just falling short in the #BigGame last season, it is a Super Bowl Or Bust type of year coming up for the Birds.
Now I know there are some simpletons out there who think that starting off the year with a loss could actually be a good thing in terms of resetting the Eagles. But that doesn't make a lick of sense to me. If this team wants to get back to the Super Bowl this year, it all starts with a big win on the road in Foxboro.
Which is why is should send a shiver down every Eagles fan's spine to know that Bill Belichick is heading into this weekend as a reportedly single man. The Patriots could make all the off-season moves they wanted to. They could sign Ezekiel Elliott. They could bring Jalen Reagor onto the practice squad to hopefully spill a few secrets about how the Eagles operate. But nothing, and I mean nothing, will make as big of an impact on the field than Bill Belichick being able to use this game to get over a breakup. If Eagles fans thought that we've gone up against a dialed in Bill Belichick before, then I don't even want to know what's in store for Sunday.
The easiest way to get over a breakup is to just completely immerse yourself in work. Not that Bill Belichick was ever thinking about anything other than football before, but maybe there were a few minutes throughout the day when his mind would wander. That won't be the case anymore. At least not unless we find a way to Parent Trap his relationship with Linda Holliday back together.
We need Lindsay Lohan. We need two of her, actually. We pretty much have 48 hours here to get those two in the same location at the same time, and make them fall in love again. If we can patch that relationship back up by kickoff on Sunday, then I love the Eagles chances of starting off the year 1-0. But if Bill is still a single man on that sideline come Sunday, then he might just be a little too much for Sean Desai and Brian Johnson to handle in their first game as coordinators with the Eagles.
GET ME TWO LINDSAY LOHANS RIGHT NOW!