Jason Kelce's wife, Kylie, made her first appearance on the New Heights podcast today. It takes a special brand of woman to marry a guy like Jason Kelce in the first place, but even more so to then hop on his podcast he does with his brother and talk about everything from getting knocked up to bowel movements. Moral of the story here is that the term "goals" gets thrown around a lot out there on the internet, but all of you out there need to find yourself a Kylie Kelce.
Now when you ultimately find your soulmate, you end up knowing absolutely everything about the other person. You can anticipate their moods, you know what they're thinking, you try your best to understand how they're feeling, and...well...you know about all their habits when it comes to pissing and shitting. And for a guy like Jason Kelce, I'd imagine that pooping plays a pivotal role in his day-to-day life, and Kylie's awareness of that fact almost blew the cover when he was about to propose to her.
Jason Kelce was leaving his wife Kylie's parents' house before he asked her to marry him. He wanted to do it before training camp started, and he had to ask Kylie’s parents permission. When they got to the car, he told her he had to go to the bathroom. He went back inside quick and asked her parents. When he got back to the car two minutes later, his wife said: “It usually takes you 20 minutes to take a shit, I know you didn’t just go to the bathroom.” Jason then said “I know this isn’t the most romantic way to do this.” He then asked and she said yes. Legend.
It doesn't matter if you're in the NFL or not, a marriage proposal is deathly frightening to all of us fellas out there. Because for the most part, we don't plan shit. The wives and girlfriends do all the planning to make sure that everything goes perfect. We just show up and have a good time. But when it comes to a marriage proposal, that's all on us. You have to go out and spend a shit ton of money on a ring you hope she likes, and then pick out a moment you hope she'll think is special and take her by surprise, and then you have to say god knows what when you get down on one knee and ask her to marry you. Chances are you don't even remember what you said, and neither does she, but you're sweating over what you're going to say anyway.
And then all of a sudden, your soon-to-be wife knows that it takes you forever to take a shit and knows damn well you weren't just dropping the kids off at the pool when you went back to ask her parents their permission to marry their daughter. All of a sudden, because you take extra long poos and your wife knows all about it, the surprise is foiled. Your cover is blown all because you like to take your sweet ass time when you're blowing up the john.
But I'll tell you what--I bet there was never a single moment when Jason Kelce knew he wanted to marry that girl than that very moment right there. You say you need to use the bathroom and your girl knows it typically takes you 20 minutes to do your business, but she was still willing to just wait there in the car for you? And then she says yes when you ask her to spend the rest of her life with you? That's a marriage that's built to last forever. God, it's hard not to be romantic about shit like that. Figuratively and literally.