Lady Charges Lonely Dudes $630+ Per Month To Sleep Next To Her In Bed And THAT'S IT You Perverts

(SOURCE)

The cost of living crisis has forced people to get creative, with one forward-thinking entrepreneur making bank by renting half of her mattress to those looking for a cheap sleep - dubbing the practice 'hot bedding.'

Monique Jeremiah - from Queensland, Australia - came up with the idea of hot bedding during the pandemic, when her income dried up and she was looking for some extra cash.

The Australian woman rents out half of her bed for a cool $631 a month - declaring it the 'perfect solution' for those feeling lonely and poor.

Somewhere over the last 3 decades of my life, I developed an unfair stigma. That stigma you ask? 

People think I'm a caveman.

It's unfair because people don't see my ENTIRE life. Just like 99% of it. For instance, I'm kinda a neat freak. I keep my condo fucking spotless and get all antsy if it's out of order. 

Not caveman behavior

Another example of why I'm totally NOT a caveman? 

I'm a super light sleeper. In fact, I consider myself a "bad sleeper" like someone would consider themselves a bad golfer or bad poker player. I just stink at it. I curl up in a little ball and hardly ever hit an REM state. No idea if that's true or not, but seems close enough. No snoring, no farting, no nothing. I just barely sleep.

And when I do hit a really deep sleep, I typically have sleep paralysis and wake up in the middle of the night unable to move while being attacked from demons in my hallway. True story, I've talked about it on the dog walk

Again, not caveman behavior. Not in the slightest. 

And it's on that note that should I ever walk the societal plank of marriage, my future wife and I will come to the same agreement Frank and Estelle Costanza did some 50 odd years ago: 

Separate beds. I will 10000% be sleeping in a separate bed from my wife. 

Look, ladies… ya'll are bed hogs. And you snore. And you kick. And you touch. And you cuddle. And you talk. And you do roughly 1,000,000 other things that aren't sleeping 

It's maddening. All we wanna do is sleep and we can't do it with your jimmy arm having asses throwing right hooks at our temples all night. How am I supposed to wake up and construct a blog as funny as this one with you giving me 1-2 combos all night long, or even worse, snoring? 

I'm not. 

That's why I'm proposing that any dude who takes this lady up on her $631/month "hot bedding" extravaganza should be immediately sent to Rikers Island or something. No judge, no jury. Straight to prison. They're not fit for society. Anyone who not just wants to, but pays to sleep next to someone isn't fit for society and will probably be shoving bottle rockets up skunks assholes like Eddy and his St. Pat HS buddies used to do. 

Oh yeah, and you're not getting laid for that $630/month price tag? No thank you.