4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE

Advertisement

Entire Pier Full of Drunk College Students Collapses, Sends 60 People Plummeting into Lake Mendota

I've never been to Madison, Wisconsin, but I've heard it's gorgeous for 3 months out of the year when they're not experiencing a snow hurricane. It's right on the lake. There's a big beautiful Capitol Building. There's other buildings. There's good cheese. People talking in that weird half-Canadian/half-cartoon character accent that anybody who has ever played hockey develops overnight for some reason. Other Wisconsin stereotypes. And a beautiful sunset. 

Shutterstock Images.

So if you're attending the University of Wisconsin-Madison, you have to make the most out of your summer. Especially if you go home for summer break. Realistically, most students are only getting 30 days of bearable Madison weather before they're putting on 6 layers of coats every time they leave the dorm. So it makes sense that the entire university would flock to a single pier on one of the hottest days of the year.

What is actually happening on this pier? There doesn't appear to be anything at all. It's just an empty pier with 60 drunk college students playing a game of "how many drunk college students can we fit on a pier." 

It's a beautiful thing really. College kids don't require much. They don't need a ferris wheel, or carnival games, or a homeless man doing magic to entertain them like you'll find at other fancy piers. The students are all underage, so they have no use for a bar. They'll find a way to show up sufficiently drunk regardless. They simply need a flat surface surrounded by water and a blood alcohol level of at least .13 to have the time of their lives. It's amazing what water can do. There is absolutely nothing going on on that pier, but they're all having a blast.

In all honesty, the pier collapsing is best case scenario. What a fantastic story for everybody who was there. They all had their shirts off anyways. Nobody was seriously hurt. Only one person ended up in the hospital. And if only 1.6% of drunk college students end up in the hospital…  on any given day… idk I feel like those are pretty standard numbers.

The pier needed a face lift anyways. Clearly it was due for a collapse. Now it'll get a full rebuild, and come back stronger than ever. The university says it is "launching an investigation" into what caused the pier to collapse. I'm not sure if that is entirely necessary. The pier was old as shit and there were too many people on it. Case closed. But I'm sure they need to determine who's fault this is. Maybe the lifeguard didn't enforce the capacity limit. Maybe the pier inspector overslept. Who knows. Unfortunately, somebody is probably getting fired for this. 

Advertisement

The best memories happen when things go wrong. Nobody wants to hear a story about a day where nothing happened. Take this wedding party pier collapse for example. You can't tell me this isn't an incredible memory for everyone involved.