Surviving Barstool | Ep. 3 Premieres Wednesday (11/29) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 2 NOW

Diarrhea Laws In This Country Are Far Too Strict

The Hershey squirts are no joke. Essentially pissing poop, endless watery wipes, chaffed b-hole ... we've all had many a night ruined by the Huckle-Berry two steps, but I'll be damned if diarrhea is going to ruin TWO WEEKS of my life. Maybe I'm a scumbag who only hangs out with bottom dwelling slobs, but I don't know anyone that follows this pool rule. How could you? I can hardly remember what I've eaten to cause my diarrhea, not to mention keep a 2 week timeline of my shit cycle. 

Giphy Images.

When you're in school and on summer vacation, you've got about 12 weeks to enjoy the pool. If you get diarrhea ONE TIME you are ruining 17% of your summer. The kid that breaks his arm and gets put in a cast is practically missing that much pool time, but the kids in your neighborhood can't sign your mud butt. 

What about a runny poop? It's not full blown diarrhea, but do you need to stop attending the pool? Do we need to constantly be measuring the viscosity of our bowel movements for the safety of others? What if someone hops in the pool after a solid poop, but they did a horrible job wiping. Will the chlorine do its job, or are we all going to get sick? A lot of questions, not a lot of answers.

Maybe abolishing the two week diarrhea rule for a lesser sentence will be how I pave my way to political office. Exceptions can be made, if you're having diarrhea that can force a plane's emergency landing, maybe you want to avoid the pool for AT LEAST two weeks.