Turns Out You Can Extort Your Neighbor for $5 Million if You Trip on The Sidewalk in Front of Their Home

MTA chairman and CEO Janno Lieber was slapped with a $5 million lawsuit after a woman claimed she injured herself running on the sidewalk outside of his multimillion-dollar Brooklyn home.  

Lieber has been embroiled in a legal battle in Brooklyn Supreme Court since last August with neighbor Naomi Cohn, who says she tripped and fell outside Lieber’s two-story Marlborough Road abode in Victorian Flatbush, which Zillow valued at $2.1 million. 

I've long been a proponent of turning any minor misfortune that bestows you into a large bag of money that you don't deserve. As Americans we have the right to an enormous sum of USD if we do things such as, fall into a subway grate, get hit by a bus, scaffolding collapses on top of you and pierces your leg, etc. 

But when you're chasing a bag, there's a code of ethics you have to follow. You need to know where your bag is coming from. And I'm not sure if MTA CEO Janno Lieber is necessarily wealthy enough to extort $5 million from. I don't know if these numbers are entirely accurate, but I did a little Googling, and according to the internet Janno Lieber is making an annual salary of $402,000. That's nothing to sneeze at, but if he's the breadwinner in his home, and he's living in New York City, that's not a man who can just cough up $5 million. I'd go as far as to say that $5 million could fuck up his whole life. Even if you're mad about the recent hike in bus fare.

Advertisement

Lieber’s neighbors, many still seething over the subway fare hike to $2.90 earlier this year, ripped the transit boss. 

I know c-level public transit employees aren't great, but it's not like we're dealing with airlines here. Maybe if this man worked New Jersey Transit then I'd feel a little differently. I have it on good authority that they're the absolute worst.

Also, and this is might out me as dumb, but are homeowners really responsible for preparing the sidewalks in front of their homes? I know they're responsible for clearing snow and ice off of them, but if I have a crack in my sidewalk, am I supposed to call a fucking concrete company to repour my sidewalk? I would have sworn that was a city thing, but apparently not.

In addition to suing the MTA honcho, Cohn is seeking damages from Lieber’s wife, Amy Glosser, 58, along with their next-door neighbor Carmencita Soriano, 76, due to the crack’s location in between the homes.   

Fix your sidewalks guys. Turns out they're your responsibility.

BONUS: 5 ETHICAL + 5 UNETHICAL BAG CHASING SCENARIOS

ETHICAL: Anything from the city
The government has unlimited money. 

UNETHICAL: Delivery Biker
Do not ruin the life of a delivery bike rider who lives with 7 roommates and lightly clips you in the bike lane while delivering meals to locations scattered about Manhattan. He's making roughly $3 per hour. He hates his life enough already.

ETHICAL: Any Other Biker
Bikers who aren't delivering you food are the single biggest threat to our country and they need to be stopped. 

UNETHICAL: You Slip & Fall Inside of a Small Business
Don't fuck with a small business just because you're a wildly uncoordinated person. Even if the floor was wet. Just learn to walk asshole.

ETHICAL: You Slip & Fall Down The Stairs of The Apple Store

Any huge corporation is fair game. But if you're going to make your fall into content, don't do what Jeff did. You gotta ham it up. Make sure you writhe on the ground in pain, scream bloody murder, exclaim that you'll never be able to walk again, you're life is ruined, etc  For a company as big as Apple, I'd go as far as to say you're within your rights to completely stage an incident. They have so much money. Maybe they'll just pay you out without bothering to look into it

UNETHICAL: If You See Yourself In The Background of a Barstool Sports Video but you didn't sign a waiver
That's not a real law anyways. You're not actually entitled to money from that so don't bother looking into it.

ETHICAL: It's One of Your Rivals
I would never besmirch someone to getting one over or enacting revenge on a long standing rival. My rival lives a block away from me. He always takes his dogs to the bathroom to close where my dogs are going. There's a whole big grass area to use. Just keep your dogs on the other end. It doesn't even have to be on the whole other end. Just don't bring them to the exact same spot I'm at. Then my dogs get distracted and they don't wanna use the bathroom and I end up being out there for 20 minutes trying to get them to focus.

Now you might be saying, "Well John, how about you train your fucking dogs then." Sure that's an option. But if I do that my rival wins.

Advertisement

UNETHICAL: Anything that involves me 
I can't afford it and I promise I didn't do it on purpose. It's not worth your time.