Ahead of Labor Day Weekend and LSU Football, Louisiana is Asking its Citizens Not Have Cookouts

John Biever. Getty Images.

You may have noticed over the last several months that North America, all the way out to the Pacific islands, has been experiencing a problem with wildfires. And that problem has been spreading like … some vast, quick-moving … spreading thing. 

Now this might be a controversial take, but I don't care. I'm just going to come right and say it and let the chips fall where they may: I hate wildfires. They're the worst. Every time they happen. And it's the duty of all of us to see to it that they're prevented before they start. Hate me if you will, but that's just how I feel. 

To that end, the Governor of Louisiana is offering a somewhat novel solution:

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Source - Louisiana leaders are suggesting that football fans adjust their game day rituals as the state continues to warn residents of the risk for rapidly spreading wildfires.

The message came Wednesday as Governor John Bel Edwards and other state officials gave an update on the wildfires that have persisted across the state. …

And while state leaders stopped shy of saying the ban would have a direct effect on tailgates this football season, Governor Edwards recommended tailgaters avoid barbecues and anything else that might entail an open flame. …

"Think of alternatives," State Fire Marshal Daniel Wallis added. "Think of the situations where you may patronize your local businesses if you're thinking about having a barbecue and go for those tailgate parties and buy pre-packaged meals.

So LSU is kicking off Saturday, albeit on the road at Florida State. It's the last holiday of the summer. In Louisiana. A culture where food is a secular religion. Where the art of rubbing spice on anything that crawls, swims or flies over an open flame outdoors was perfected. And your solution is to tell people to … bring a boxed lunch to the Labor Day weekend party?

Look we can all appreciate the goal here. It's the Fire Marshal's duty to protect property and lives. First and foremost the lives of the people working under him who'd have to endanger themselves to go fight a blaze that gets out of hand. While the careless jagoffs who caused it go running to safety in the other direction. No one would ever dispute that. 

But is it wrong to suggest this might be a bit of an overreach? I mean, it's one thing to tell those solipsistic twats who explode pounds of C4 packed with blue or pink dye at their insufferable Gender Reveal parties to knock it off and stop setting the forests ablaze. Banning those by constitutional law and charging them all with capital crimes would be a pure good. 

But is it too much to ask that we reach a compromise on the great American institutions that are the Tailgate Party and the Backyard BBQ? Can't the state government change the messaging from "Don't Have Cookouts" to "When You Cookout, Don't Be an Imbecile"? How about debating whether to ban them, demand the hosts have a hose nearby? Or some buckets of water? The kind of spray can fire extinguisher you can get at the hardware store for less than 10 bucks? I keep a fire blanket under my gas grill, even though the thing is standing on a stone patio. It's not a big ask to tell people to take normal precautions instead of going all draconian with your solutions.

I don't know, but it seems to me that's the approach you use when you're treating your constituents like adults. Even the dumb, careless ones can understand the urgency of keeping it safe. As opposed to trying to undo the basic, traditional behavior that has been bringing people together to celebrate for generations now, which just makes your people disregard everything you say. But given the way things have been handled for the last four years or so, I guess it's most public officials' default setting to treat the public like children.