Make Sure You Know All The Fantasy Football Auction Draft Strategies You're About To See From Your Idiot Friends

Fantasy football auction drafts are the best. There's no debate. Snake drafts need to die forever. Literally any player is an option. Hell, any two or three players is an option. Having changed my league's format to auction 3-4 years ago it's safe to say we're never going back. 

I'm not here to tell you auction draft rules - you can look that up yourself. I'm here to offer a scouting report on the types of auction drafters you're about to encounter when your dipshit friends enter the draft room. This is a mind game as much as anything. Much like poker, you need to understand the EV of a player, but you also need to understand the other managers at the table. If your friend group is any bit as entertaining as mine you should have a healthy mix of experts combined with morons who use the same ADP cheat sheet from 2016. A.J. Green is due for a comeback. It's chaos. It's madness. It's amazing. 

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So here we go. Think about which of your friends fits the following profiles when you sit down tonight or whenever to draft: 

"Nominates CMC or Justin Jefferson for $1" guy

This is the fantasy football equivalent of bringing your checkbook to the grocery store. These guys are solely there to waste everyone's time. This is the rookiest of rookie moves. Yes, your draft server will default to $1, but you can easily change that to at least a low ball of his ADP to get the party started. Don't be the guy that pulls this. Instead, be the hero who counters with a real starting bid so everyone else doesn't have to keep clicking single dollar increases. I'm not here to name names but at least half of my brain dead friend group still does this after like four years. Kuney is our prime offender. But I think I speak for everyone in saying all leagues have their "Kuney". There's no stopping them. The best you can do is get hired by a major blogging company to shame him in hopes that drives the point home, but even that's not likely to be good enough. Fucking Kuney. 

"Nominates a first overall player who's a total rando but has the same/similar name as a top player" guy

Remember David Johnson in 2016? No, not that David Johnson. This David Johnson:

Feeling risky? The thrill of putting Steelers 15th string tight end David Johnson as the first nominated player in 2016 for a starting bid of, say $40, was definitely one worth taking. You don't need to have 11 other morons quick on the "plus $1" trigger. You just need one. I know a lot of you out there might say this is dirty pool. Probably 1 out of every 12 of you if I had to guess. Instead of crying over it get on the ready because we might have another play this year. Do your due diligence and if you find that your platform's graphic interface of the draft room shows only the first letter of a nominated player's first name, get ready to fire a salivating low ball $40 bid (assuming $200 max here) on running back B. Robinson to start your draft.

That's… Brian Robinson.

"Fake News" guy

This one is easy to side step, but it's always good to be on your guard. So many drafts are on preseason Week 3 Saturday when actual injuries often occur. Just keep a Twitter tab close to fact check if player x really did brake three ACLs in one play as reported by the Kuney in your league's chat in all caps. 

"Saves all their money for late" guy

This is another rookie move. It's one thing the worry about spending too much too quick but it's even worse to put yourself in a position where you have $35 left to spend on your Week 1 DST. While the rest of the league was shopping for suits early at Tom Ford, this guy is bringing the Brinks truck to Goodwill in the final ten minutes. The perfect middle ground here is to pick one or two studs and aim to have a few dollars more than everyone else towards the very end of the draft. That way you can basically pick whatever player you want for a buck or two with no competition. 

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But of course for every thrift store punch card owner there's a…

"Spends all his money in first five minutes" guy

Look, we've all been there. It's easy to get carried away and blow your load. Especially if this is your first time. Most of the big name players tend to get nominated early so you just have to make sure you don't get too carried away. You can definitely game "spends all his money in first five minutes" guy too. If he's taken two of the first three to four players nominated and is out there again bidding on the next - don't be afraid to play a little hard ball and make him pay a few bucks extra. Dude is looking to peace out and hit the bars anyway so he's going to make it rain. Just be careful. You don't want to be…

"Caught bluffing" guy

Just spent $25 on a backup QB? Whoops! Take note on what players and positions others have allocated major funds for. Especially if your in a one-on-one bidding war. Your system should have an easy way to do this. Also take note at how much time is left on the clock when someone else bids. Caught bluffing guys will usually bid earlier in the clock. They aren't likely to bid with one second left once they know no one else is left in the running. 

That brings us to…

"Last second sniper" guy

Oh they want that player BAD BAD. Here's how it always goes. Eight people or so are bidding to get things going and things trickle down until it finally seems like everyone else is out. Then it happens. With one tick left a shot is fired from the grassy knoll by a ninth manager who sat and waited for his moment to snipe. This is when you need to step in and take the risk on being "caught bluffing" guy. That guy isn't going ANYWHERE. He's good for at least two or three more clicks. 

Honorable mention to "let me nominate my kicker first and get it out of the way" guy and "I have terrible internet and am clogging up the chat with notifications saying I've left and entered the chat over and over" guy. But this should get you started to an auction format if you're new. It's a wild ride and often times players at the bottom of a tier go for more than those at the top of a tier for any one position if they're the last girl standing at the bar. But all of that madness is why I love it. You'll love it too once you start. And you'll figure out which person in your league is who from the above. You should already know who your league's Kuney is.

- Jeffro