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This Fat Slob Actually Thinks He Can Be An Assassin

On the last episode of of LCB, we had Dana, Marty, Feits and Klemmer on to figure out which event in history we would wanna be a fly on the wall for. As per usual, Dana B stole the show by saying he thinks he could be an assassin. Can you imagine? Imagine somehow letting DANA B sneak up behind you? Set the scene. 

You're a major political figure asleep in your home. You're immediately jolted awake by a sound from downstairs. 


That sound is the structural integrity of your wooden floors fighting for dear life. 

You hear the fridge BEEP as it opens up. That is when the rummaging begins. It's so sloppy and animalistic that you might think that a bear has broken in. 

The mysterious intruder begins their long road up the stairs. They GROAN and SQUEAK in pain. It's as if you are hearing a thousand mice getting slowly crushed by a steamroller. You would think that a guy who brought beers across the country during the height of a global lockdown would be able to travel with a lower profile. 

The bedroom door opens and all you can hear is breathing. Heavy breathing. THE HEAVIEST BREATHING. Imagine Tony Soprano bass boosted. Right before the mysterious being can approach the bed, you hear a POP. That sound was one of the many stents keeping this creature's Frankenstein of a working heart running. The assassin becomes the assassinated. FIN.

Make sure to watch the full thing and watch him, Marty and all of us embarrass eachother.