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Is This Ring Nebula Tryin To Get Tongue-Punched To Pleasure Town?

"Hey Chaps, my good slut. What is a Ring Nebula and why should I give a fuck about the way it looks and whathaveyou?"

Well, a ring nebula is like the ghostly glow that remains after a medium-sized star (like our Sun- that big bright bitch that's making it like 100 degrees in Chicago) reaches the end of its life. Imagine the star as a huge furnace that's burned through all its fuel.  As the star ages, it swells up into a red giant and throws off its outer layers into space. The core of the star, now called a white dwarf, is super hot and shines powerfully. Its brightness causes the thrown-off layers around it to glow, kind of like how neon signs glow. Sometimes, these glowing layers take the shape of a ring, and that's what we call a ring nebula. From far away, through a telescope, it looks like a colorful ring in the sky. 

"Thanks, dude. But can we fuck the nebula?"

Here we go again. It seems like there may be a misunderstanding here. A ring nebula is a vast cloud of gas and dust in space and not something with which a physical or sexual relationship could be formed no matter how sexy that nebula might be. It's an astronomical object that exists on an entirely different scale from human beings so you cant fuck it. 

"What about eating it out? Can we flick the bean of a nebula?"

A ring nebula's size is enormous, often spanning a light-year or more in diameter, and it's located many light-years away from Earth. The conditions within a nebula would also be inhospitable to humans, with extreme temperatures, radiation, and a lack of atmosphere so you cant lick the clit of a nebula which really sucks. You cant tongue punch that little astrological box no matter how hard you get or how hard you try smh. 

And trust me, I've tried. 

One night I was hanging out on my porch with my own personal Webb telescope. I was thumbing through different galaxies when I stumbled across a nebula. Pretty cool moment, right? I did what any other space lover did and immediately ripped off my pants and fumbled around with my dick. It was fucking sweet. 

I imagined my tongue just flicking the base of the nebula's spokes and getting close to my own Big Bang (cum).

But that's all we can do. We can only imagine fucking the nebula because our bodies are simply not equipped yet to fuck a star. If you wanna see some stars potentially get fucked on camera (not in a good way), tune into the Barstool Awards Show tonight.