Craig Carton Reports the NFL is Considering an All Boy Band Super Bowl Halftime Show
Rob Carr. Getty Images.The NFL is on a neverending quest to make the Super Bowl halftime show the center of our pop culture galaxy. The black hole of entertainment with a gravitational force so strong that no one's attention can escape its pull. In doing so they've gone through most of the Boomer-appeal Geezer Rockers, from U2 to The Who. They've checked the box next to pretty much every Pop Music Sexpot, like Katie Perry, J-Lo, Shakira, Rhianna and Lady Gaga. Then of course we suffered through the dark days when all the top acts were refusing the invitation and we had to settle for Maroon 5.
Now for the next one, the accusations against Lizzo have scratched her name off the list. And Taylor Swift had to remind Ginger Satan once again that she's bigger than any little sportsball game he can put together:
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Which brings us to this report, from Craig Carton:
Now it's important to note here that Carton has been shooting with the accuracy of an Imperial Stormtrooper when it comes to his sources as of late:
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That said, if there's any truth to this, it'll be the biggest thing that's happened to American womanhood since the invention of birth control and the Hallmark Channel.
I'm talking mainly about women between the ages of 30 and 50. Sure, there are plenty in their 20s who grew up on One Direction would love to see Harry Styles. And of course K-Pop draws the biggest audience of any musical genre in the world. But to the women I know personally in their 30s and 40s, the mere thought that some combination of NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, Boys 2 Men, Bell Biv Devoe and Color Me Bad might be together again on one stage at the same time is enough to turn them all into waterslides.
I'm dealing with a pretty large sample size too. Former co-workers. Friends I've made through Barstool. Friends' wives and girlfriends. Maybe because they're all Massholes and so are a lot of the members of the above mentioned bands, but there's not one of these ladies in my life who wouldn't gladly sacrifice their husband to Moloch for good seats at a New Kids on the Block reunion show. For them, Boy Band love isn't something you dabble in. Nor is it a mere passion. It's a lifestyle. Like meth. I do trivia with some of these women, and trying to get a Boy Band question by them is, like the old saying goes, like trying to throw a porkchop past a wolf.
It would be the Gen X version of The Brady Bunch Movie when Marcia gets Davy Jones to sing at the school dance and all the teachers start ovulating:
Personally, I'd like to see it. Not that I've never been in the Boy Band target demo. And never felt the need to know one from the other until they break out on their solo careers like Timberlake or get into acting like the Wahlbergs and now Styles. But just for the pure spectacle of seeing an entire generation united by this one common obsession they all have? Bring it on. All I'd ask is that the NFL throw the fellas a bone and give us about two minutes of my favorite Boy Band of all time, Fingerbang: