If You Don't Like Your Chocolate Chip Cookies Gooey, You Should Be Hung In The Streets Like Mussolini

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Another week, another complete and total DOG SHIT take by my panel mates of The Dog Walk's Snake Draft. Sometimes we're arguing over whether or not a particular cheese identifies with summer, another week we're debating whether or not lanyards are great ballpark souvenirs (they're not), and this week, much to my dismay and confusion, we're arguing about whether or not cookies are better crispy or soft: 

As one can deduce based on my caption, I'm a goo guy. Not only that, but I'm such a goo guy that I didn't realize non-goo guys existed. What in the fuck? What kind of deranged lunatic enjoys their cookie crispy??? 

To me, crispy = overcooked or even burnt. 

And that's fine - not all cookies are GREAT, but 90% of cookies can do the trick should you have an ice cold glass of milk to… ya know… make the cookie GOOEY with. 

What in the hell is wrong with people? 

I admit to being a stubborn cat; even when I know I'm wrong, it's hard for me to admit defeat. But when I know I'm right, I'll dig my heels into the ground longer than ANYBODY. I refuse to lose verbal wars of attrition. Like my "takes" that Denzel is the same guy in every movie and Mr. Brightside is the most overplayed song ever, I will go to the grave not just thinking, but knowing cookies are better when they're gooey.

That's just a fact. I don't trust non-goo guys and if a bunch of these NYC freaks moving to Chicago are non-goo guys, I'll know to keep my head on a swivel moving forward.