Taryn Manning, Actress From 8 Mile And Orange Is The New Black, Just Outed The Married Guy Whose Butthole She's Tossing

Randy Brooke. Getty Images.

Please welcome Taryn Manning! You may remember her from 8 Mile, as Rabbit's clingy ex-girlfriend Janeane: 

Or perhaps you know her from Hustle and Flow (amazing movie) as Nola, the enterprising sex worker with bigger dreams: 

Or, most likely, you know her from Orange is the New Black, a show I've never seen because female prisons terrify me. Something about the way women brawl, where they grab a handful of hair and then throw uppercuts endlessly and there is nothing the recipient can do but eat them until someone brings out the jaws of life to detach their attacker from their ponytail: 

Point is, Taryn Manning is a phenomenal actress. I'd know that raspy voice anywhere. But I sure didn't expect to hear it bulldozing the home of some dude whose rectal reef she's been snorkeling these past three nights:

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So, so much to unpack here. Haven't seen someone cram this many talking points into a 40-second video perhaps… ever. Let's begin with that laugh. The second she laughs at the start of the video, you know we're in for something. That laugh is like a Bruce Buffer welcome. It sets the table, raises the stakes, and announces that in just a few seconds, tea will be cascading from the kettle to the floor. 

From there, she admits to the salad tossing, clarifies the frequency of their liaisons, and explains that "that's what demons do." 

Uh. Taryn? Exsqueeze me? You said that like it would make it all groovy. Also, do demons do that? Are the agents of the devil known for tonguing two-holes? I guess that makes sense. Feels strangely biblical but the world is a quirky place. 

Of course, the grand finale comes when she reveals that she's driven all the way to Newport Beach to purchase the mystery man… a boat. A boat! That's gotta be one tasty butthole. This, of course, is the most puzzling curveball of all. For throughout the video, we have the impression she's angry with this guy. She's there to ruin him. Except, in a cosmic turn of events, she's buying him an aquatic vessel! Those are expensive!! 

Tell you what: Taryn Manning can play for my team any day. This is a lady you want in your foxhole. She doesn't mention the guy by name, she lets him sit on her face, and she funds his fishing! Of course, you'd have to believe that any woman living in Newport Beach who is a fan of Orange is the New Black will be VERY suspicious of their husband's brand new Boston Whaler. But for at least a few days, some lucky bastard will be cruising through the waves, captaining his brand new boat with the cleanest butthole west of the Rockies.