Marty Mush Is On A Heroic Journey To Become The First Illiterate President

The greatest heroes aren't the obvious choices. No one could have expected a little boy born to a poor Quaker family in California to be president. Well it happened and that boy was Richard Nixon who was so successful he won multiple elections for president. Marty Mush can be the Richard Nixon of this office. All we need is your vote. 

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I've never been more proud to be a campaign manager. Marty has heard from people his entire life that his limited intellect would hold him back. Has that made this amazing man quit? Not even close. Instead, he furiously writes blogs even if they are barely understood. Co-Editor In Chief Hubbs said that Marty's blogs remind him of a scholar. Hubbs said, "It was like reading something a second grader wrote, although that might be insulting to 2nd graders." Not only that but Hubbs called Marty "a top 20 blogger."

Editor's note: It's pretty easy to be a top 20 blogger if you pick interesting topics and put in a little effort. 

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in the last 437 minutes, I've been working tirelessly on Marty's behalf. That's how much I believe in his candidacy. 

Today in the office, we got to vote for six people who we would want to have move on to the primaries tomorrow. Marty and I spent the morning giving donuts and milk (that Marty courageously purchased all by himself in a store which we should all applaud) to the staff. Generous. Brave. Special. Mush.

I've had a number of people ask me why I would want to be the campaign manager for a man that I scream at nearly every workday. Marty and I are proof people can put disagreements aside for positive changes. Do I disagree with Marty's opinions on baseball? Of course, they are foolish and bizarre. Marty and I also don't see eye to eye on his claims of athletic prowess like when he says he could bat .100 in the Major Leagues. That's just an asinine thing to say. But you know what? That has nothing to do with being a great president.

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You want to see the character of a leader like Marty Mush? I had an idea for a campaign motto but he was simply too modest and didn't want me to repeat it but I am so proud of this guy I can't help myself.

Marty Mush: A Simple Man For Complicated Times

I hope everyone out there reads this and feels at least a fraction of how inspired I am. If you are, please reach out to the rest of the New York office and let them know that we have our own heroic journey. We have our own Richard Nixon. His name is Marty Mush.

VOTE MUSH!