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Nudists are Suing to Keep Clothed People Off Their Beaches for Making Them Uncomfortable

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To me, nude beaches are on that short list of things that sound way better in theory that they are in practice. Like cryptocurrency. Hallucinogenics. Passion fruit. Or Marxism. 

No matter how hard you try to imagine the reality of a nude beach, your brain is going to default to everyone looking like the people you see in a Sandals resort ad, except naked. When the truth is that they undoubtedly look like a cross section of your average beach goer. Which is less than desirable. Look around next time you're down by the shore and tell me that's a collection of people whose genitalia you ever want to see. 

True story: When I was working for the court system, we had a lawyer so creepy he left a trail of snail slime wherever he went. One day in the middle of hearings, the phone in his briefcase went off, so I grabbed and went looking for him in the main lobby. And as I did, I realized it had a luggage tag from Hedonism II. The kicker is: He wasn't a day under 80. The revulsion over the mental picture of his bare ass and saggy yambag resting on a stool in the lounge next to the pool will haunt my dreams forever. That's the kind of person you can expect to see at these places. No pun intended, but hard pass. 

And now we find out that nude beach enthusiasts are taking action to discriminate against a different demographic than old, exhibitionist perverts with law degrees. Those of us who prefer bathing suits:

Source - Naturists in Catalonia Spain have launched a campaign to keep nudist beaches naked, saying the frequently clothed tourists are "making us uncomfortable."

According to The Guardian, the Naturist-Nudist Federation of Catalonia is calling for the government to create a public awareness campaign about the alleged "discrimination that nudists face on the beaches of Catalonia." Among their requests, according to The Guardian, is better beach signage for nude beaches.

Federation leader Segimon Rovira told The Guardian that, while nudism is legal on any beach in Spain, naturists traditionally try to visit nude beaches so "as not to bother people."  …

“Before, people would arrive at a nude beach and either leave or strip down,” Rovira told The Guardian. “Now they stay and keep their swimsuit on. But what they don’t realize is that if there are a lot of them, they end up making us uncomfortable. It’s a lack of respect.”

How 'bout that?

Giphy Images.

Isn't this like rain on your wedding day? The very people who are allowed to play whip-out on any beach in the country and it's illegal to tell them otherwise, are trying to ban the normies from their beaches. So it'll be the prudes getting discriminated against, not the other way around. I don't know what their argument for the ban would be. But they better have more to go on than "People in bathing suits make us uncomfortable," because that road is a two-way street with eight lanes headed in their direction. I mean, the vast majority of us aren't exact squared away with their pruney asscheeks and hairy wedding tackle flopping all over the place while we're trying to hand our kids a sandwich from the cooler. 

And what reason would they have to be uncomfortable in the first place? Because they think the ones in the bathing suits are there to look at them? That's a weird time for shyness to enter the chat. If you're modest about your body, what are you doing dropping trou in a public place to begin with? You pretty much lose the debate the minute you say, "Here are my genitals, but no peeking." You either want them to be looked at, or you don't. You don't get to pick and choose who sees them. Unless, of course, you cover them up like a sane person. 

Like I said though, the whole concept seems gross, creepy and, to borrow their word, uncomfortable. If the price of going to the beach in Spain means I don't get to go see all these nudist weirdos in their natural habitat? I gladly accept those terms. Freaks.