Welcome back to a very special episode of Dumping Them Out. This episode will be entirely about myself. Just wanted to warn you now.
This episode comes on the heels of what was very possibly the best week of my life. I originally titled this blog "Best Week of My Life", but that seemed a little too cheesy. I'm not certain that it was #1 either, because winning Barstool Idol was a pretty awesome week too. Also, the couple weeks after Barstool Idol where I worked at Barstool but had no real responsibilities yet. And the one week where I had sex with your mom. Those were cool too. But anyways, I promise this will be the last victory lap I'll take before I shut up about myself. At least you get some Boob GIFs to break it up.
Here's a quick breakdown of the weeks events
Monday: Nothing special happened, but Dave was in the office and he did the Rundown which always makes the start of my week a little bit better.
Tuesday: Dave bought Barstool back from PENN for $1 USD. Incredible twist. They called the meeting the night before, and we thought it stemmed from Nate going on The Yak and saying that the New York office is going to get left in the dust now that the Chicago office is about to open. That's still very much on the table, but Dave buying back the company makes things WAY better for all of us. Great vibes all around.
Although before I left the office Tuesday, I smoked some weed with Rone. I knew it was a bad idea, but when Rone offers to share a joint with you, you say yes. It was a bad idea because after I smoked I had to watch back my Barstool Investigates video to make some final touches. I was much too high to watch myself on camera. It made me super paranoid about the video, and sparked a mild 24 hour long panic attack that lasted until the video dropped Wednesday night.
Wednesday (morning): I show up to work at 9:30am (like I do every morning no exceptions). Dave walks out of his office and begins bashing everybody who hadn't made it to the office yet (which was pretty much everyone but me). He tweeted out this video to show the world how great of an employee I am. Ignore the fact that I was playing an NFL Immaculate Grid as opposed to doing any real work. It was still a huge W for me either way. However, I was still panicking internally about the Barstool Investigates video, which did prevent me from enjoying the moment a bit.
Wednesday (night): Went home and paced around my apartment for a solid 2 hours until Barstool Investigates dropped. It got way better feedback than I expected, and I could relax for the first time in 24 hours. Finally was able to appreciate how great of a week it was. I really need to learn how to relax and enjoy things in the moment more. But also I think the fact that I care that much about a video is maybe a good thing overall. Whatever.
Thursday: Went on Barstool Radio to address the fact that I look like a meth addict, and tried to explain why anybody at Barstool let me be the one to tell Will Compton his career was over. It never really dawned on me how ridiculous it was for me to sit down and talk to Will that way. Not sure how that ever got approved. Feitelberg and Tommy had me convinced that Will hated me.
But I ended up talking to Will and it's all good. I think… I hope. Sorry Will.
Friday (morning): Saw that I made my first ever Fox
News Business appearance the night before.
Friday (afternoon): Steven Cheah invited me on The Yak to talk more meth. I also said a bunch of other things that I'm not sure if I was allowed to say. I should maybe pump the breaks on the whole "best week of my life" thing, considering I still think there's a solid chance I get in trouble for that Yak appearance. But fuck it, people seemed to like it. Hopefully I'm still employed next week. Dave is in charge again so I should be good right?….
I also recorded for a couple hours with my best friend from LA on Saturday. I'm not sure if that recording will ever see the light of day, but we have a lot of wild stories. Considering The Yak went over well on Friday, I thought people might be interested in hearing some more of them. For example, my best friend got kidnapped one time.
Sorry for sucking myself off for 1,000 words. I really do hate talking about myself this much, but I'm trying to get more comfortable with it, because I think that's what I'm supposed to do here. In my head, I still have a hard time believing that anybody would give a fuck about anything I have to say. I'm always jealous of my co-workers who have the confidence to just blast their daily lives across social media all day every day with zero fear of ridicule.
And since I'm supposed to keep promoting my video, if you haven't watched Barstool Investigates: Bussin' With The Boys, here's the link. We interviewed Arthur Smith of the Atlanta Falcons, Raiders GM Dave Ziegler, Arian Foster, and George Kittle. To me, the best part of the video was the confrontation with Will at the end. We cut the Will interview down to about 10-15 minutes, but we talked for nearly an hour and I really want to release the whole thing. There was a lot more yelling. That uncut interview might be better than the video itself.