Jets DC Jef Ulbrich Dared to Mock Belichick's 'Do Your Job' Philosophy on 'Hard Knocks' and Must Be Punished for His Blasphemy

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It should be painfully obvious by now why no NFL team wants to be on Hard Knocks. How the show has become a birthday party for the kid who has cooties that all the normal kids refuse to attend so as not to destroy their own status. And the league, like parents who want to stay in HBO's social circle, forced the Jets to go against their will. 

And the reason is Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Specifically, the part that says you can't study something without having an effect on it. Whether that thing is a quantum particle or a football team. You can't send a bunch of union members lugging cameras and boom mics into a situation without their presence interfering with the work you're doing. That's true of jury trials. It was true of Dunder-Mifflin. And it's certainly true of an NFL training camp. 

People are going to naturally perform for the cameras. It can't be helped, It's in our nature. And in doing so, take away from the tasks at hand. The whole history of Hard Knocks is full of proof of such moments. And while last night's season premiere was every bit the Aaron Rodgers tongue bath we all knew it would be:

… what stood out most was Jets defensive coordinator Jeff Ulbrich playing up his own nitro-powered, testosterone-fueled badassery for the cameras:

"It's the mantra of our defense: Make a motherfucker earn every yard! 'Do my Job.' Is that good enough? Fuck no! That's the rest of the NFL, isn't it? 'Do your job.' 'Do your Job.' Fuck that! 'Do your Job.' Then now what? If we all do our job and a fucking little bit more. That's 22 playing."

Here's an idea, Jeff Ulbrich. Before you go disparaging THE core tenet of Belichickian Philosophy, how about win six Super Bowls and start closing in all the all time wins record, howboutda? Or at the very least, win a thing? Anything? It's a hell of a flex for a guy who's been a DC for three seasons, the first two of which his defenses finished 32nd and 30th in passing yards allowed to start tugging on Superman's cape this way. At least win a battle or two before you try to commit regicide against the king of kings. 

Some things in this world are important. Even sacred. This "Do Your Job" Ulrich is so offended by has built and sustained an empire since he was dating cheerleaders. 

These holy words have been echoing down the halls of Gillette Stadium since that glorious day it opened with the raising of the Super Bowl XXXVI banner in 2002. They provided the title of the sports docuseries that will live on long after every episode of Hard Knocks is erased from the collective memory. A series that exposed the world to "Pink Stripes."

The phrase was even employed by the Secretary of Defense in a letter to the entire DoD:

So put respect in these words or keep them out of your mouth altogether. You don't go tearing up our sacred texts until you've done enough to form a religion of your own. 

Belichick didn't need any more reason to hate the Jets and do everything in his mighty power to destroy them. But now he has it. And if anyone with Jets wants to claim that Ulbrich meant no disrespect or that he was only joking, good luck with that. As Henry V put it when he was mocked by the Dauphin of France, “His jest shall savour but a shallow wit, when thousands more weep than did laugh it.”

So Do Your Job and kiss the rings: