Dumping Them Out: Investigate Sweden
Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. If there's every been a Dumping Them Out to not read it's this one.
I took a break from the internet yesterday. I was embarrassed to show my internet face. I was on Twitter for no more than 2 minutes, only to address a factually incorrect tweet I made claiming that this man was Dock Ellis.
Which is a pretty rough mistake, considering I claim Dock Ellis to be my favorite athlete of all time. I saw a picture of someone who is unequivocally not Dock Ellis, and declared him to be Dock Ellis. I mean.. I named my dog Dock after Dock Ellis for christ sakes. Turns out I don't even know what he looks like. That was tough to swallow. But I left the tweet up because I'm a man of honor.
I started writing a blog yesterday where the premise was, "What if all the college football conferences are realigned with the purpose of making every conference even?". So I made a list of every Division 1 FBS team and started putting them in tiers. Then I started putting them in geographical regions, because I still wanted to make the conferences make sense geographical. Then I realized that that takes a lot of work. I just have a giant list of tiered college football teams that I keep changing because every time I read the list back I think it's terrible. I regret starting it, but I will force myself to finish. I'm sure my conferences will be well received by level-headed college football fans who take my list with an appropriate level of seriousness.
I woke up to watch the second half of the USA Women's Soccer team losing to Sweden in the World Cup. Here are my women's soccer takes.
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- For someone who doesn't watch much soccer (men's or women's), women's soccer is so much easier to follow because everything moves so slow in comparison. I feel like I can actually see things develop. It also makes it so much more frustrating when they mess up because it seems like they have so much god damn time to get it right.
- Dennis Rodman's daughter Trinity Rodman is the best player on the team. I only saw her play for 20 minutes, but to me she was the best player out there. I don't understand why they subbed her out instead of Alex Morgan who was basically invisible for the entire second half.
- Every player on Sweden was the exact same person with the exact same skill level. They remind of one of the computer teams you play against in Backyard Baseball where they all have generic names and 1 of 4 different head shapes/haircuts. Except for their large dark haired goalie. I think her background needs to be investigated. I refuse to believe that this is a Nordic woman.
- I can't imagine Megan Rapinoe (blue hair, 38 years old) is one of the 15 best women's soccer players in America. There just have to be better players available.
My electric bill was $250 this month. I get that it's been hot but that's well over double the amount that it normally is. I went to my account profile and it does say we used over double the amount of electricity than we did the month prior. But I just don't get how that's possible. Does a 10 degree difference in temperature really equates to that much more energy? I'm pretty certain I left the AC on 69 or 70 degrees like always. I feel like I'm getting fucked.
Jesus Christ that might be the most boring paragraph I've written since I started working here. I really have nothing to talk about when I'm writing about my utilities bill. I'm pretty sure I was bitching about my utilities in one of my Dumping Them Out's last summer too. PSE&G is getting a lot of free negative pub from me. I'll try to think of something more interesting for the next paragraph. Let me drink a few beers quick then I'll come up with something, but no promises.
Ok this isn't a lot better, but for some reason I started following this NFL Beat Writers Twitter account (@32BeatWriters). Sometimes I try to do things that keep me caught up on sports and shit. This account primarily retweets tweets from who NFL beat writers themselves. These beat writers are a special breed of people. It's just tweets upon tweets of things like this.
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What a job. I guess it's pretty awesome to just watch football practice and live tweet every single thing that happens. And I suppose NFL fans are crazy enough that there are more than enough people who are interested in how Mac Jones first screen pass went at Sunday morning practice. But what a grind that is. I have the utmost respect for these warriors. I wish I had as much passion for anything as these guys do for the NFL. I thought I was excited to watch the Jets vs Browns pre-season game last week. I made it about 15 minutes until I was like, "Well that's enough of that, I need to catch up on Top Chef." But not these guys. These guys don't even know Top Chef exists. They only know football.
Ok one more thing. What about a game called 'A-man-to Bind', which is a game where your friend gets naked then takes a mixture of hallucinogen drugs that make him behave erratically, then you have to try and catch him and tie them to a chair. Because of that time where Amanda Bynes went crazy and ran around town naked before checking herself into a mental hospital, and her name kind of sounds like 'a man to bind" hence binding your naked friend to a chair. I wouldn't want to play that, but it's something to consider.