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The Miami Marlins Clearly Needed To Trade For A New Security Guard At The Deadline After This Pitiful Performance Trying To Apprehend An Idiot On The Field

We can start out here by giving credit where credit is due. This idiot on the field has a good, long stride and some elusive speed. Some great acceleration control there when switching speeds. That security guard was always going to be in for a tough matchup. 

But buddy, you have to play your angles a little better than that. This initial angle of attack was never going to get the job done. 

You're running straight at him. Clearly he was going to leave you in the dust. I get it all happened so quick. I get my man didn't have a chance to get a good stretch in and warmup. But as Winston Churchill once said, "if you stay ready, you ain't got to get ready". But the moment was just a little too big for our guy over here, and the idiot on the field didn't even need to break a sweat to get away. Really the only thing slowing him down was the layout of LoanDepot Park. 

The trade deadline came and went yesterday, and the Marlins failed to address their lack of depth in the security department. And because of that, the Phillies were able to spark a late rally in the 9th. 

Shoutout to the idiot on the field. Shoutout to the Marlins security. And shoutout to Nicky Beisbol. 

P.S. -- This is how you take care of some dipshit running onto the field.