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Settling The Debate Once And For All: NO, Grown Men Should NOT Wear Jerseys

Please allow this to serve as my public "Welcome" to the new guy, Nicky Smokes. I don't know Nicky beyond a few DMs but he seems like a nice kid and I think that is important to remember - he is 23. I know legally you're an adult at 18 but I think anyone who is north of 30 looks at folks under 25 as kids. Your brain is still developing; that's not an opinion, it's scientific fact. I think there is a good chance in 10-15 years Nicky might look at the blog he penned and change his tune. 

I'm here to give the other side of the coin. 

As one of the great poets of our time proclaimed, "And I don't wear jerseys, I'm 30-plus" you too should hang up your jerseys. 

I've long maintained that adults shouldn't wear jerseys for a myriad of reasons. Listen, just like my college football fandom blog, this isn't me placing rules on anyone. If you want to wear a jersey, have at it. You just need to know that other folks will reach certain conclusions when they see you in your jersey. Now, this isn't a situation of absolutes - there are exceptions to every rule, but by and large, the following holds true. 

First of all, from a fashion perspective they look terrible so I'll assume you don't dress well. I know you think you look great but you are falling short. Any compliments you receive are likely from the other man children. Oversized and ill-fitting clothing had a shining moment during the early 2000s NBA draft but that's where it also ended. 

Your immediate reaction is to criticize how I dress. While you may not agree with my style, there is no arguing that I dress well. I mean, come on…

The next conclusion I'll reach is that you're willing to get into a fight inside the stadium. 

When I googled, "NFL stadium fights" and scrolled through the images I saw mostly people in jerseys. Not every single fight involves someone in a jersey, but it's the vast majority. The retort being that this is the case because most fans wear jerseys. Maybe but did you ever notice how these fights are typically happening in the cheapest seats in the stadium? 

People who have good careers or businesses have something to lose so they won't risk it all to get into a fight with a drunk fan at a stadium. Have you ever seen a brawl break out in the owner's box? Sure, when they pan to Jerry Jones' box the folks in there have plenty to be angry about, but they compose themselves like adults and don't start throwing haymakers. Someone who is an upstanding member of society won't allow the emotions of a game get the better of them. Listen, I get it, ok, football games get emotional. You want nothing more than to hip toss the dude who's been chirping in your ear all game when his team gets a major stop on 4th down. Be better than the hip toss. 

Finally, I can't in my right mind wear another man's name on my back because I have too much pride in my own name. Wearing someone else's name is a form of worship. This is especially odd if you're 40 and the player is 22. Nicky is 23 so many of these folks are peers but there comes a time when you need to move past the hero worship of kids. You already paid out the ass for a ticket, 2 hot dogs, and 10 beers which will ultimately pay that kid's salary so why don't you leave it at that. 

Certainly, there are exceptions to the above. 

I'll save you the time, here are the pictures people will come back to me with:

Guess what, high net worth individuals play by their own set of rules; especially the ones who own the team whose jersey they are wearing. If I have to explain that to you, then we have a different set of problems. 

If your family member goes pro, stands to reason you can/should wear their jersey with your own last name on it - I'd go so far to say if it is a childhood friend you should rep your buddy. 

Listen, at the end of the day, wear whatever makes you happy. However, there are so many great options of clothes to wear to support your team. Many of which can be found at Support your team until the cows come home. Just know, that the rest of the adults are avoiding you while we enjoy our 50 yard line seats in the lower bowl. I assure you we are not the losers, but then again, you won't be able to tell us from all the way up in the nosebleeds. 

P.S. The angriest I get during arguments with my wife are when she calls me on something I know to be true. So if you find yourself very angry right now, it's not too late to put your jerseys in the donation bin at church. There is a 12 year old somewhere who is going to love it this fall.