Is Drinking At 11 AM On A Thursday On Your First Week At Barstool Bad Decorum?

Someone at Barstool plugged this into my AI machine this morning because they couldn't believe what they were witnessing. The 67% gambler himself Nicky Smokes cracking a cold one at 11 AM on a Thursday during his first week at Barstool Sports?! Would have thought it would be some Macallan scotch with his so called gambling acumen. Shouldn't he be in the lab crafting up some winners for us? Maybe you commenters are right about Barstool being dead. Is this even a pirate ship anymore? We used to send unnamed social media employees home for drinking termies! If only there was a golf event being held in Chicago which is one of our largest live productions of all time that could surely use some extra bodies and employees. Tune into the Korn Ferry Tour today through the weekend:

I want to preface this by saying I don't know this new kid Nicky Smokes, and am happy enough for him that he gets to live what apparently was a lifelong dream of working at the pirate ship. That's the second time I've written that statement in two days. With that being said, if you're going to create some enemies during your first week in the fold, then expect a response. It's hard to unite people here these days, but like they say, where there's smoke there's fire. Just leave it up to AI to say the silent part out loud. Nate says that's being the "office snitch" which is rich from a fella who spent his years snitching doing Barstool Power Rankings (Editor's Note: I'm begging Karim to do Power Rankings but he won't do them because he doesn't want to be mean). I digress, let's get back to the main point here. Thank god our new fella put out some fire content this morning though:

What's that saying again? Hungry dawgs drink faster? It's okay though, he said he's going to try to blackout by 3 pm on one of the busiest company days in quite some time. Corporate ship indeed.

It's hard to make KFC likable but I think he found a way to by reacting to a video of his podcast just talking back at the TV like a crazy person:

I'm an impartial judge here and I score this one 10-9 to KFC on the basis that he's been here for longer than a cup of coffee and found a way to turn water into wine, or most hated to millionaire. Word to the wise is to just put your head down and give us some winners at that stunning 67%. That's our exit plan from all of this. Nicky will lead us the way, we'll all be wealthier than our wildest dreams, and then cracking a cold one in the middle of the workday will just be a faint memory in what was a Hall of Fame career. Good luck fella.

P.S. We're fake crying now too without even knowing what happened to Jalen Ramsey?