The Newly Released 2023 College Football All-Name Team May Go Down As The Greatest In History

Move over '01 Miami Hurricanes, '04 USC Trojans, and '19 LSU Tigers......this team may go down as the greatest of all time. This is such a work of art that I'm questioning whether I'm falling for a trolling right now. Like, Moh Bility and Dude Person starting at defensive back? Talk about a no fly zone. 

My only gripe with such a list is I need asterisks or a color coding system to alert me to government names. Those boys are truly special. Because at the end of the day, anyone can go by a nickname. I'm substantially more impressed if it's actually on your birth certificate. Like, you can't put Rico Bosco on the All-Barstool Name team when, you know. Anyways, zero percent chance that Koolaid McKinstry is actually his real name. A quick Google search tells me his first name is actually Ga'Quincy. I'd go by Koolaid, too. Sources are telling me that Rowdy Beers, incoming freshman Tight End at FIU, is legit though (brother named Rocky, too). And for that reason, he should be named Captain of this squad.

Advertisement

My Top 5 on the list are:

1. Rowdy Beers (if this truly is his real name, move over Livvy Dunn and Bronny....there should be a new NIL leader in the club house very soon)

2. General Booty (real name, feels like a 7th year senior at this point)

3. Parker Titsworth (real name, Barstool Bowl alum)

4. Pig Cage (CAN'T be real, but incredible....just wish he were an Offensive Lineman instead of a Linebacker)

5. Dude Person (Can't be real or else the parents should be charged with bullying)

**Side Note: How did Storm Duck not commit to Oregon?