Stella Blue Coffee | Win A Game Day Experience With Big CatLEARN MORE

Advertisement

Time To Play Another Game Of "Beer League Hockey Or Aggravated Assault?"

Mahatma Gandhi once said his favorite thing about hockey is that it's one of the few activities on Earth where you can physically beat the shit out of somebody else and not get arrested for it. As long as it happens within the confines of the game, you can commit countless felonies and just have to sit in the penalty box for a few minutes as punishment. 

All across North America this summer, beer leagues are putting that to the test. I mean in any other setting in life, if you randomly walk up to someone and start slashing the shit out of their skull with a hockey stick, you'd be locked up in prison faster than you can say "I peaked in high school". But if it happens in a beer league hockey game, that's just 2 minutes for slashing. Maybe a double minor if you draw some blood. 

By the way, I'm never one to victim blame or anything like that but we really need to figure out what set this dude off. Clearly the fella getting his head Paul Bunyan'd was running his mouth there from the bench. And then I can't tell if he deserved it for what he said, or if he just has really shitty teammates who didn't do a single thing about it. Buddy in the white helmet and #62 jersey gets a bit of a pass here. Clearly he's not a regular on the team or else he'd have an actual jersey. If you're just filling in a roster spot for a week, you don't want to get involved with any extracurriculars. But the other two on the bench? They were just enjoying the front row seat to the show. Tough scene. 

Advertisement

Final Ruling: Probably aggravated assault. 57 in white might need to spend next season's league fees on a lawyer. 

@JordieBarstool