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Beating The Shit Out Of Somebody For Wanting To Sit In Their Assigned Seat At The Movie Theater Is NOT Okay (Bonus: Five Times It Is Okay To Beat The Shit Out Of Somebody At The Movie Theater)

WFLA- A fight broke out last Monday in a Pompano Beach movie theater after two men got into an argument over reserved seats, according to NBC affiliate WTVJ. Authorities are still searching for the man seen in video who is responsible for hitting a 63-year-old man inside the theater. The victim claimed he purchased VIP tickets with advanced seating for the movie, but when he showed up, a man and woman were in his seats. When the victim asked the man to move, the man became aggressive and got in the victim’s face, according to witnesses.

There have been a whole lot of movie theater takes published here on Barstool SPORTS (dot) com the last couple of weeks, but I think one we can all agree on is that if you buy a ticket for an assigned seat, you shouldn't get your face caved in for wanting to sit in it. I mean I guess we can #EmbraceDebate about whether you should have assigned seats at the movies instead of the old fashioned way of scrambling to find enough seats for your group inside of a dark theater where everyone is usually spread out with one or more buffer seats between them or if there should be roughly $5 of service fees on top of the $20 ticket price that you are already shelling out to watch a screen for a couple of hours. Yet I still keep coming back to it not being right to bleed over asking to sit in the seat that is printed on your stub. 

Yes I realize that this happened in Florida, which has probably had 100 senior citizens get assaulted by randos since I started writing this blog. But doing it in a magical place like the movie theater (Jeff D. Lowe's words) seems wrong. At least unless it comes out that this guy got punched for breaking any of the movie theater's codes of conduct that are worthy of a beatdown. 

Infractions worthy of getting your ass include...

1. They Spoiled The Movie

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The movie theater should always be a spoiler-free zone. If you want to talk about what you heard may happen on the internet or what you saw just happen on the big screen, save your banter until you are a safe distance from the theater or in the car or prepare to get your ass beat. Don't be a Homer.

2. They Are Dickheads

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This honestly could've been number 1 but I feel like we've been dealing with dickheads in the movie theaters for so long, we kinda just accept that there is a decent chance they will be there yelling during the movie or just doing weirdo things in the back row. To be clear, I would never do anything since I avoid confrontation like the plague.

But perhaps if some dickheads went from eating popcorn to a knuckle sandwich in a bunch of viral videos, the theater (pronounced THEE-AY-TER) experience would change for the better.

Speaking of popcorn…

3. You Are Served Stale Popcorn

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I know this seems extreme but movie theater popcorn is as much a part of the movie theater experience as the previews, the sticky floors, and the actual movie. Which is why we have to stop allowing these theaters to continue to mail in the food that has become synonymous with their industry. I think every theater should at the very least serve popcorn that was popped at some point that day and at the very most should have popcorn specialists that fill up your bucket with the skill of this wizard.

If the theaters that are begging for our business in an industry that is supposedly dying can't give us even decent popcorn, it deserves to die. Or the person in charge of the popcorn should get punched in the face if it has the consistency of cardboard.

4. Someone Disagrees With Your Movie Theater Take

I know this was all recently settled on the blog using the English language. But if this was a Barstool where everybody still was in the same office every day, I feel like we would have had a Rough N Rowdy match on our hands between Chris and Jeff D. (with Brandon of course wedging himself in to serve as the special guest referee). The fight would have set the sport of boxing back to the stone age but it would've been fun to have a build up for our first Barstool employee main event in forever.

Obligatory plug even if we don't have an event this week so Portnoy stays off my back.

5. You Sat Through A Movie You Didn't Want To Watch So You Could Do A Random Trend From The Internet Only To Leave While Watching The Better Movie Because The Speakers Sucked

I saw Feits tweet this last night and was devastated for him. I guess there is a chance that Barbie is good and knowing John, he may have wanted to see Barbie more than the Christopher Nolan movie critics are jerking off to. Regardless, somebody deserved to get hit for ruining the Barbenheimer experience for God knows how many people. I'm not even sure who should be blamed considering it sounded like a speaker issue. But someone should bleed anytime a 5 hour movie experience is ruined.