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Nothing Will Piss You Off More Today Than This Video Of Baggage Handlers At The Airport Body Slamming Luggage For Fun

There is no industry in America that needs to be torn down to the studs and rebuilt more than the airline industry. Just an abomination to our deal lord and savior, capitalism. This is not what Adam Smith imagined back in the 1700's. 

Then again had he imagined flying machines filled with angry, overweight midwesterners fist fighting on the way to a city that has a giant LED orb that looks like an eyeball he would probably have been burned at the stake. 

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Anyway, fuck those baggage handlers. I understand they are overworked and underpaid but why the hell do you need to take it out on the luggage I borrowed from my brother in law and never play on returning? What gives you the right to treat my luggage like Razor Ramon doing a crucifix powerbomb to his opponent? If my weed carts and Fleshlight are broken when I open my bag so help me god you your website be getting a sternly worded email.

I know this is where I am supposed to make the obligatory Spirit Airlines joke but honestly this could be any of those dog shit companies. They all suck. And when someone tells me, "Delta isn't like the rest" or "I never have issues with Continental" I just assume those people never travel because they are all just different shades shitty brown at this point. It's why Big Cat's skullfucking bit hits so well. 

I mean just look at these tweets and headlines. 

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And there are a million more just like these. What other industry could have those stories come out in a matter of just four days and not be dragged in front of congress to atone for their sins? The answer is none.

And that's because our government IS the problem. They can't hold the airlines accountable because they are tied so tightly to them. Airlines are not state run but they are state guaranteed. So it doesn't matter how much they fuck up the government is going to bail them out time and time again. 

But then that very same government will vote against amendments that could help ease some of the issues the airlines are currently facing.

And don't expect this shit to get any better. This isn't a temporary market adjustment to counteract the damage that Covid did to the travel industry.

Airlines are just now getting back in the black after Covid. In fact the airline industry as a whole DOUBLED it's forecasted profits this past year. So you know those fat, soulless suits are watching the chaos unfolding on those glorified greyhound busses they send into the sky every day and all they see are dollar signs. 

These are the forecasted profits from December…

And then these are the actual numbers that were just released last month from IATA.org

  • Airline industry net profits are expected to reach $9.8 billion in 2023 (1.2% net profit margin) which is more than double the previous forecast of $4.7 billion (December 2022).
  • Airline industry operating profits are expected to reach $22.4 billion in 2023, much improved over the December forecast of a $3.2 billion operating profit. It is also more than double the $10.1 billion operating profit estimated for 2022.

When airlines are crushing forecasts at this rate why the hell would they turn back? You think they are giving you your legroom, peanuts, and overall safety in the sky back? LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

They only thing you are going to get is further cuts in comfort and apparently baggage handling. Where else can those pieces of shit cut cost to increase profits? That's the conversations being had in their evil compounds headquarters right now. 

Maybe we can all sit on the floor. Just have every plane look like the bottom level of the Titanic except there will be way more fights and way less dancing. Or maybe we they can get rid of the cargo area all together and make everyone stand while holding their luggage the entire flight. That would actually solve the issue of their baggage "handlers" committing felonious assault on my bag every flight.

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Maybe they can start just throwing a single case of water into the cabin as they shut the door and let us heathens fight over it like lions over a steak at the zoo. How about no bathrooms? We can all just sit in our piss and shit for hours until we reach our destination. At this point the comfort level would barely decrease even if I were covered in the bile created by the Guy Fieri burger the heavyset fella next to me ate in the terminal before we took off.

Giphy Images.

I legit don't have a good solution other than creating new airlines that focus solely on comfort and customer service. But then there needs to be enough of us willing to ignore the $119 round trip flight with $200 worth of hidden fees from these other cattle herders disguised as airlines. 

All I know is I'm sick of dreading travel. That shit used to be fun. It used to be part of the fun of vacation. Now when I land I feel like I was getting power bombed by those very same baggage handlers who were Gronk spiking our possessions for fun.