Cool story, girls. Ya know what I DON'T have fucking eat to keep my perfectly shaped, perfectly tone body? Goddamn protein oatmeal with egg whites and turkey burger tacos.
If you want to look like god meticulously hand crafted your body yourself, like me, use my last weekend as guide for what types of micros and macros and fibers and what have you you should consume:
- smoothie for breakfast (gobs of peanut butter, almond milk, banana, strawberry, spinach, ice). Needed to get energized for the bender I was about to embark on
- jalapeño cheddar sausage, 1/2 pound of pulled pork, chimichangas and ribs for dinner
- country skillet for breakfast (bacon, sausage, ham, mushrooms, green peppers, onions, on a bed of shredded potatoes topped with 3 fried eggs and country style gravy)
- 2 hot dogs, brisket, ribs, andouille sausages, more ribs and mac and cheese for dinner
- nothing for breakfast (too hungover)
- about 2 pounds of red meat and white meat for dinner
- brunch (jalapeño poppers, cheese curds, steak and eggs and nachos)
- more red and white meats for dinner
Boom. That's how you look like this:
And if you look like that you'll have to carry a mop around because women will be slipping in puddles of their own wetness the moment they enter your general vicinity.
Or you can eat your oats and almond butter and all that and look like this:
Your call, though. You do you. I don't give a shit.