The Basketball Court Monster Who Likely Destroyed The Playful Innocence of Children Everywhere Deserves The Death Penalty

Flabbergasted. Im just flabbergasted. 

Imagine being out of school for the summer and wanting to head down to the local blacktop to play some basketball with the squad. You don't know if you'll be playing 3-on-3 or horse or pig or around the world. There are so many basketball-adjacent games that need to be played and you have the perfect 7 weeks to do so. 

Or at least you did until a monster the likes of which have never been seen showed up. 

I'm not a huge death penalty guy but we should really consider it in situations like these. The level of deviancy that needs to be reached in order to pull this off is staggering. The effort. The planning. The execution. The level of Dont Give A Fuck required here really cant be overstated. In essence, you are torturing children when you pull off this type of dastardly act. 

In my opinion, an act of aggression like this can be called torture. Because torture, lest we forget, can be described in two ways. It can be inflicting severe pain or suffering through methods such as beating, whipping, electric shocks, waterboarding, or subjecting individuals to extreme mental distress or anguish through methods such as prolonged isolation, sensory deprivation, humiliation, threats to loved ones, or witnessing the torture of others. I am under the belief that causing children to look at a hoop that is locked up and unable to be used is a qualifying aspect for all of the above. This was torture. Passive torture but still torture. 

Truth be known, I was going to continue writing here about different types of middle-aged torture that would be appropriate but my goodness. Those things are fucked up. I couldnt in good conscious talk about things like the brazen bull. It's too upsetting to talk about the Brazen Bull also known as the Sicilian Bull, which was a torture device from ancient Greece. It was a hollow bronze statue of a bull with a door on one side. The person would be placed inside the bull, and a fire would be lit underneath it. As the metal heated up, the person inside would slowly roast to death.

The bull was designed in a way that amplified the screams of the victim and transformed them into sounds resembling a bull's roar. The purpose of this device was not only to cause immense physical pain but also to provide a cruel and theatrical form of execution for public entertainment. 

Now, putting someone who tied basketball nets into knots into a brazen bull is obviously wrong and cruel but the fact that we were all thinking about using the Brazen Bull should give these knot tiers pause. Just my free advice. Brazen bulls are still out there. Not saying we'll use them but they are out there.