Tourists Are Visiting Death Valley In Droves So They Can Experience The Hottest Temperature Ever Recorded: 131 Degrees
Uhhhh, I kinda fucking love this! Any time you can be a part of history, you have to do it. And it's rare you can be a part of history without it sneaking up on you. For example, if I offered you a chance to be on the Titanic but you didn't know if you'd live or die, would you take it? Of course you would! It's history, baby! Sure most examples of "being part of history" are morbid, but so is life so strap on a helmet, it's a bumpy ride. But that's why I have no issue with these tourists flocking to Death Valley to bear witness to the hottest recorded temperature ever recorded. Throw on a tank, pack a water bottle, and get that selfie baby! Will you make it back alive? That's neither here nor there, the important part is getting that selfie onto IG before you shrivel up like a raisin.
There is only one question I have on my mind now- how do we get Jackson Mahomes to Death Valley ASAP? I need Jackson to be doing the Cha Cha Slide in front of the giant thermometer more than anything. Multiple takes, Jackson, really make sure it's perfect. And maybe throw on a snowsuit too, make it wacky as hell dude. Play up the whole "being different" thing to the max...get it? It's really hot out so he's wearing as many layers as possible. We'll love it!
Me? I'm gonna take this weekend off from going outside. It's going to be in the dang 90's in NYC, which might as well be Satan's fireplace. I'm going to run my AC bill up like it's going out of style. If you're brave enough to venture outside gahd bless ya, let me know how it is, but I'll see the sun again in August.