Chaos Goalie Austin Kaut Shows Us Why Lacrosse Goalies Are The Sickest Bastards In All Of Sports | PLL Week 5 Preview
If I had to rank athletes purely based off of how mentally deranged you need to be, I'd probably put MMA fighters toward the top. Their entire sport is just trying to knock each other out as violently as possible. I'd say Formula 1 drivers are probably up there pretty high as well. They're driving like a million miles per hour in an expensive go-cart.
But right up there with the sickest bastards of them all are lacrosse goalies. Specifically field lacrosse goalies. These maniacs go out there in virtually no padding at all. You have your stick, a helmet, a pair of gloves, and then a thin little chest protector. But as we saw with Chaos goalie Austin Kaut on this week's episode of The Crease Dive, sometimes the chest protector doesn't even do its job.
Holy shit. These dudes in the league are all bringing it at least 90mph. Most of them are hitting 95-105mph pretty regularly on their shots. You've got no protection on your legs, so good luck if you take one to the shins. You've got no protection on your arms, so your elbow is fucked if you get drilled with a shot. And even with a chest protector on, you could take one dead center and have the imprint of a lacrosse ball forever plastered to your body.
So when you sit down to watch some PLL action this weekend, just keep all the goalies in your thoughts and prayers. These are a bunch of sick puppies who probably get off on soaking shots like that, but still.
And for anybody in the Fairfield area this weekend, we'll see your ass at the Bar Down Lounge.
Waterdogs championship ring ceremony tonight AND Jake Marsh in the broadcast booth? What a way to get the weekend going.
PLL Week 5 Schedule
Friday, 6pm // Waterdogs (3-1) vs Whipsnakes (1-3) // ESPN+
We're at the halfway point of the season, and we officially have our first "Must Win" of the year. The Whipsnakes are almost there. They have a couple one-goal losses, so they could easily be 3-1 just as easily as they're 1-3 right now. But if you don't find a way to win this week and you head into the All Star Break at 1-4? That's a tough hole to climb yourself out of. Plus you have to hope for a little emotional let down from the Waterdogs tonight after their ring ceremony wraps up. Expect Rambo to put the boys on his back tonight with a vintage performance from the MVP. I like Whips in this one.
Friday, 8:30pm // Archers (3-1) vs Redwoods (3-1) // ESPN+
The Archers are 3-1 on the season so far and they've done most of that without Grant Ament in the lineup. That's a huge piece of their offense that they've been missing, but he's back in the lineup tonight. So now one of the best offenses in the league gets even better. But if there's one team right now who can easily keep pace with the Archers, it's the Redwoods. They have arguably the two best players in the league right now with Ryder Garnsey and Rob Pannell. So I'd just expect to see a ton of goals tonight. Whatever the number is, take the over.
Saturday, 6pm // Chrome (1-3) vs Cannons (2-2) // ESPN2
You have to start wondering just what's going on with the Chrome right now. The lineup is constantly changing, and it's starting to seem like mayyyyyybe we're dealing with a divided locker room. That's a tough spot to be in when you're playing against possibly the best "culture" team in the league with the Cannons. The Cannons are as pesky, they are gritty, but they're also freakishly skilled on the offensive side of the ball. I just don't see the Chrome being able to piece it together for long enough to put away the Cannons in this one. They might get a little lead in the 1st half, but I'd expect Cannons to come out on top.
Saturday, 8:30pm // Atlas (1-3) vs Chaos (2-2) // ESPN+
The Atlas are in the same boat as the Whipsnakes. Granted, they got their shit shoved in last weekend. But their other two losses were just by one goal each. The biggest issue for them right now is probably between the pipes. They just haven't been getting enough saves to survive those 1-goal games. So unless anything drastically changes at that position, I like the Chaos in this one. They're coming off a loss, and I'd expect them to be flying around in the 1st half after a wild pregame speech by coach Andy Towers.
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