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This High Definition Old-Timey Hockey Footage Is Both Awesome And A Good Reminder Of How Hilarious Goalies Used To Be

First of all, great video. Nothing gets me going like updated footage of things that happened a long time ago. I think this video is from around the 1960's (?). We tend to forget that back in the 1960's, everything was in full color. In real life, things were actually NOT grainy and black & white. People saw colors the same way you and I do in the year 2023. They much preferred to see white, but they still saw them all.

Secondly, watching NHL goalies back in the days of no helmets and shin guards for leg pads gets a laugh out of me every time. It was a fucking suicide mission. The wearing no helmets alone is psycho enough. But then pair that with the fact that their pads are so damn tiny that they're forced to come SO FAR out of the net and take insane angles just to have any chance at blocking a shot, basically presenting their bare face to the shooter... even more psycho. And then, since they're always 20 feet out of their net, every time someone shoots the puck and misses the net, the goalie is then forced to super man dive back into the crease (still with no helmet or facemask), and then their exposed head is just laying on the ice in the center of the goal, as 10 men crash the net with skates, sticks, and puck zooming around the goalie's head. It's a miracle that any goalie made it through an entire game without at least losing an ear, or coming away with a couple extra holes in his face. 

One more thing. The goalies stance. I guess the way they stood in the net was probably the most effective given the equipment at their disposal. But they're so fucking funny to me.

Melchior DiGiacomo. Getty Images.

That's the consensus best goalie in the world at the time, USSR's Vladislav Tretiak. It's almost like he makes himself as small as possible when he stands in net. I guess it's because goalie's pads are so small that their 5-hole's are just gaping like a [redacted]. I can see that. But I've always been under the impression that goalies should be making themselves as big as possible in net, instead of dropping their chin down below their dick, essentially eliminating their entire torso. It's hard for me to watch these clips and not feel confident that I could score 8 out 10 times in a shootout situation. I'm probably wrong, but the contrast between old-timey hockey goalies, and modern day goalies has always been one of the funniest things in sports to me.