Greetings, Donks and Donketts. Or however you'd like to be identified at the poker table. General Spank here with some news. In case you haven't noticed (and judging by the numbers on Cracking Aces, you haven't), we've been dealt a bit of good fortune lately in the poker world.
For starters, I won another WSOP Circuit Event and the Gold Ring that comes along with the glory. Ring #1 came in 2022 and it was quite delightful.
This time around we were playing literally one handed on our phone while rocking a baby on paternity leave (hence no stream) and took down Ring #2. We also already qualify for the 2023 Tournament Of Champions in Las Vegas. Yummy.
We also had two other separate 2nd place finishes for rings, numerous final tables in ring/bracelet events, and a few take downs on other platforms across the board.
Oh, and for the first time ever we won a satellite (qualifier) into the Main Event. We're playing a $10,000 tournament for $215. Boss money honey.
"Hey GeneralSpank," is the absolute ideal way to lead off any formal greeting.
So basically, over paternity leave we've been racking up a solid mid-five figures that the government knows about. And that's just for WSOP.com. General Spanks resides on multiple SharkScope-able websites (although I still haven't given out my username on other sites cause, believe it or not, people LOVE to headhunt the Spank).
RELATED: TheHendonMob (online poker results/money tracker) for some reason isn't recording my shit. Unacceptable. The greatest feeling growing up was scoring a touchdown in football or having a day at the plate and opening up the ol' Daily Local newspaper and seeing your name in the boxscore. This is the closest I'll ever get to that feeling again. Figure it out.
So, yeah. I've obviously been around the game for awhile now (s/o the disastrous "Pro Poker" life attempt in 2009 where we won hundreds of thousands of dollars and proceeded to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars). But for the first time in my life over the past 2 years we've been seriously studying/working on my game. It's nice to see actual results come thru. Not to mention winning WSOP Gold Rings and getting close to Bracelets is just plain awesome. Sorry if it seems corny, but I grew up watching the grinders and the greats rack up bracelets and rings left and right. I don't know….it's just really cool for me.
And now we embark into the desert for our 6th WSOP Main Event. How'd the first 5 go, you didn't ask? Let's take a stroll down memory lane and observe my weight gain/viscious glowdown over the past half decade…
TL:DR - 0 for 5. I've gone 0 for fucking 5 at the WSOP Main event. Also a solid 25lbs heavier since 2017.
2017 - Main Event #1
Exited late Day 2 for $0. Didn't play that well and still feel horrible for Glenda.
2018 - Main Event #2
Exited early Day 3 (bubble usually breaks end of day) but got the minimal of TV time. ESPN can still go fist itself.
2019 - Main Event #3
Punted worse than Jeff Feagles in his shankiest of days. It's a 12+ day tournament and we lasted maybe an hour…and that's being very generous with the clock. An absolute disaster of all accounts. On the 4th of July, no less.
2020 - Some Shit Happened, No Live Poker
2021 - Main Event #4
Exited early Day 2 but tbh probably should've been kicked out even before the tournament began.
Still played OK but ran extremely cute:
2022 - Main Event #5
Fresh off my first WSOP Ring, this was the year to put the spank to the dank. And spank to the dank was flanked. The most beautiful poker of my life was being played and it showed.
Discipline. Heart. Mojo. We had it all for a bit but after running up a stack from 60K to almost a half-milly, we went for it a little too hard on Day 3 approaching the bubble and busted a few hours before the money. Sucked. Big time. But 'twas learning experience we've taken ever since with not just poker but life.
2023 - Main Event #6
Brick Watch employees played yesterday 1B. Nate and Pro Jake are doing the thing today for 1C. I'm flying to the desert as we speak and playing the last flight of the tournament 1D on Thursday, July 6th. Let's ride. #ALLHAILGENERALSPANK
PS - As for the thumbnail on the blog, still one of my most favorite things I've ever done was go Never Go Full Hardo at a Live Poker Table. Fun times all around. Except for the pit boss. 3 cards or not, as in life, you play the cards you're dealt.