Ryan Seacrest Will Replace Pat Sajak As The Host Of "Wheel Of Fortune" And It's Time We Respect His Greatness

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Ryan Seacrest was just announced as the next host of Wheel of Fortune and I say we give the man his flowers. How many gigs is this man going to get before it's all said and done? Seacrest may be top 2 and he's not 2 when it comes to chasing the bag. Him and Holly Rowe have to be the two busiest humans on the planet. What Shaq does on shitty local commercials Seacrest does on giant gigs that you have absolutely zero idea how he keeps on receiving. I don't know how many people even watch Wheel of Fortune anymore, but there's probably a giant portion of middle America that consumes it on the daily. I thought maybe this would be an insanely lucrative gig, but it's hard to tell because Seacrest would host Stool Streams with Jake Marsh if we gave him enough money. His dog's grandkids are going to have more money than you or I will probably see in our entire lives, and that's just something you gotta tip your hat to. 

As I'm sitting in the office writing this, Frank the Tank comes over to me and says "Did you see my Ryan Seacrest tweet?" not knowing I'm penning a masterclass on it at this very second. He's now been standing here for 5 minutes listing every gig that Seacrest has had and it might be time to retire on top. He did ask me to put his tweet in, and it's hard for that man to find joy these days, so here you go Frank: 

Frank put it more beautifully in 30 words than I can in hundreds and hundreds, so that's all for this one folks, and congrats Seacrest on another couple million.