‘Til near death do us part.
A woman has opened up about why she divorced her dying husband, saying his five-year cancer battle took a toll on their marriage as he wallowed in self-pity.
Yana Fry, 40, wed her late husband when she was 22 years old and dreamed of starting a family with him.
But the bride’s dreams were soon dashed when her husband, then 37, was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
“We couldn’t really think about our future,” Fry told Caters. “How can you plan for your future as a newly-married couple when you’re struggling with something like cancer?”
Oh FUUUUUCK. The tweet of this article was misleading to me at first, making me think it was just some mopey guy who felt like his life was lame and he couldn't stop killing the vibe. I was totally on this girl's side at that point.
This is why it's important to read the article. Turns out, her husband had testicular cancer.
“People react in one of two ways to critical illnesses, I’ve seen it over and over,” she continued. “The first type was how my husband unfortunately was — the people who drown in self-pity. The second type of people are those who are instead concerned with everyone around them.”
Fry, who was living in New York City with her husband, said no one was worried about how she was doing during the difficult time.
“We saw different kinds of doctors. Not a single person ever offered me help,” she bemoaned. “They never asked, ‘Do you need a support system? Are you part of a counseling group?'”
All I'm hearing so far is ME ME ME ME. You're right, nobody in the hospital is going to ask you how you are when your husband is dying of cancer right next to you. This may be hard to hear but....you're NOT the priority! You don't have cancer!
Fry’s husband continued treatment for his cancer, but the disease only worsened.
“I was hoping for the best with my ex-husband’s cancer, but then years went by, and I started to lose hope,” she recalled. “It was five years with all the treatments, and it started to change the dynamics within our relationship.”
“It wasn’t until that fifth year that I started to think about leaving,” she continued. “But I felt like I couldn’t say anything. When someone is dying next to you, you feel like you can’t talk about your own well-being because you compare it to their suffering.”
I'm starting to think that these two should've never gotten married in the first place. Five years go by, and trust me, I get it. Cancer is a major bummer. Totally kills the vibe for sure. But you know what's worse than having to be a support system for a spouse with cancer? HAVING FUCKING CANCER.
Fry says she was motivated to finally leave her sickly spouse after a friend took their own life.
“It was my first funeral, and it was very shocking,” Fry explained of her pal’s unexpected suicide. “In my mind at the time, suicide became an option, even though I had never considered that before. I was in such a bad state.”
“It was very clear to me that if I didn’t save myself, I was probably going to die,” she dramatically added.
I'm not here to shame people for their mental health struggles, but imagine being so selfish that you want to kill yourself because your dying, cancer riddled husband is getting more attention than you are?
Fry subsequently filed for divorce from her husband, leaving him stunned.
“His main focus was more and more so about him,” she stated. “At the beginning of his treatment, he was still checking on me. [But] He felt even more pity for himself because of the divorce.”
“I can’t say that he was hugely supportive,” she further admitted of her decision to end their union. “But what was even harder was the reaction of society, which I didn’t expect.”
Fry says people sent her “horrible messages” and that her husband’s family was “disappointed.”
“People were in pain and they wanted to blame someone,” she explained.
I don't know what planet this woman lives on, but to think that she wouldn't get a negative reaction to this from his family, let alone the WORLD, is a level of delusion I'm not sure I knew existed. Even if I put myself in her shoes, 5+ years of supporting someone through treatments, hospital bills, uncomfortable conversations, endless tears I'm sure. It definitely gets frustrating to try and convince someone to stay positive about a situation they can't see the positivity in. At the end of the day, like I said earlier - it's not about you. You promised to be beside this person, THROUGH SICKNESS, and you're giving up. You were never actually up to the task, you failed in your marriage because you weren't emotionally intelligent enough to put someone else ahead of yourself, when they needed it most.
Fry says she and her husband subsequently stopped speaking. He ended up re-marrying before he passed away two years later.
“I actually found out on Facebook that he passed away. There was a picture of him from a common friend, and it said, ‘Rest in Peace.'”
“My first reaction was, ‘You must be joking. Someone would have called me and told me.’ But no one did,” she mournfully added.
Why the fuck would anyone call her???? She made it clear she was done hearing about it. That's it. You're out. No courtesy calls, and I'd go as far as to say I wouldn't even want her at the funeral. She probably made things worse for this man if we're being real. Crazy he was able to remarry before he passed away, but good for him. Someone who came on to help him through the worst parts of his life, without complaint - that's what it means to be a partner to someone. I'd say I hope this woman grows up, but she's 40, so it's too late. She's just an asshole, forever.