EVERYONE TAKE NOTE: Kim Kardashian Has Described To Everyone What Makes Her Horny

NY Post- Keeping up with Kim Kardashian’s “biggest turn-ons.” The reality star broke down her “man list” of dream qualities in a partner during Thursday’s episode of “The Kardashians,” admitting that a nice smile gets top billing. “Teeth are, like, one of my biggest turn-ons,” the makeup mogul, 42, said in a confessional. “The straighter, the hornier I’ll get.” Laughing, Kardashian amended, “Just kidding. But not kidding.”

EVERYONE STAY CALM! WE HAVE KIM KARDASHIAN TALKIN' HORNY! What an unbelievably attention-grabbing headline by the New York Post there and rightfully so. If I see Kim Kardashian, turn-ons, and horny in the same sentence my eyes are immediately attracted to that much like a moth to a flame or Tony Soprano to ducks in the pool. That's just how it works. Anyway let's focus on the task at hand here- Kim Kardashian wants a nice goddamn smile and can we blame her? Smiles are great, so brush your teeth as soon as possible fellas. 

As for the rest of her desired qualities, the Skims creator told her friends she wants a “calm” man with “good hygiene” and “no mom or dad issues” who will “protect” and “fight for” her.

The Hulu personality’s dream guy should also be “supportive, genuinely happy for [her and] successful,” she noted, as well as “spontaneous, fun” and a “role model” for her four kids — North, 9, Saint, 7, Chicago, 5, and Psalm, 4.

“No heavy baggage, I have enough,” she added. “Taller than me, someone that loves to work out, a motivated person, an independent person that’s not clingy and someone with good taste.”

Looks like we also need to be calm and have no mom or dad issues. We gotta fight for her? All of these qualities she wants are amazingly rational! We all have a chance! I love that she also added someone that's simply taller than her (She's only 5'2 according to google which is nice) and didn't hit us with the classic bumble bio of 6 foot plus only! That's always a punch to the gut for us 5'8 kings out there. 

The “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” alum continued, “No balding. But then, I don’t know. If I’m also in love, I’ll rub your bald head, you know what I mean? But we’re just talking about our perfection list.”

Hell, Kim's even giving the balds a chance! Mr. Clean just dusted off his finest suit. 

And speaking of Horny…check out a new episode of Only Stans today!