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Slap A Maxi Pad Right Under The Ole Testicles So The Gooch Grease Doesn't Stink To High Hell

Ah, the age old question about how to mitigate the madness of gooch grease. Fellas, you know me. Im not stranger to having a stinky cock. For years, Ive lived in subtropical climates that have the undercarriage reeking like what's under a carriage. We are talking poop. 

Giphy Images.

The aforementioned article isn't talking about the same gooch grease we've come to know and love over the years. Especially Captain Cons. He loves it to a weird level. Very weird. Ask him why at

If you've forgotten the traditional usage of the word, let me remind you. 

"Gooch grease" has been a colloquial term referring to a lubricant or ointment that is used to reduce friction and chafing in the perineal area. The perineum, commonly known as the "gooch," is the region between the anus and the genitals. Sounds fun, right? Not so fast. Sometimes the gooch can hurt, itch, or sting. 

Side note: It's important to remember that "gooch grease" is an informal term and not a medical or scientific one. If you are experiencing persistent discomfort or irritation in the perineal area, it's advisable to consult with a healthcare professional for proper evaluation and advice. Trust me, if you don't, a maxi pad ain't all you're gonna need. You might need some kitty litter to soak up the gooch grease. It sounds insane but buddy if I had a nickel, your handsome friend would be doing pizza reviews. 

That being said, I've never had gooch grease this bad. Sure, like many of you, I've had gooch grease but nothing that a little toilet paper or boxers couldn't soak up like syrup in a biscuit. I understand that other people's perineums leak like a sieve and I pray for those people nightly. I say, "Dear Lord, please cease the flow of thick sweat from my brothers' ball areas. They smell really bad and taste worse. Amen."

So, if you've been looking for a remedy for your rancid rectum and balls, look no further than the maxi pad aisle. By the way, the sticky part goes on your underwear and not on the gooch or pussy. You don't wanna make that mistake. Trust me.