By the time I reached 9 or 10 years old, my dad and uncles started the process of teaching me how to swear like a man. I was basically like a parrot and they would bark orders at me like "say fuck!" and "call Terry Bevington a cock sucker" and "tell that guy to 'fuck his mother'".
Ya know, just simple coming of age stuff. I'm only slightly embellishing here. Yes, they'd have me say swears around my mom just to piss her off and always made it a point to never ever swear unless they said so, but little did they know the monster the unleashed.
My grandma owned a travel agency back when those were a thing, so we typically flew first class anytime we went to visit them out on the east coast. Back in like... 1995? my mom and I were flying home from Newark to CHI and were on one of those big ass jumbo jets with the 2 aisles and 3 rows of 3 seats. I was sitting between my mom and Rod Stewart in the middle row.
I have a very distinct recollection of how this went. My mom nudged me, whispers into my ear, "Dave, that's Rod Stewart".
Being as young as I was, there was only one appropriate reaction. I looked at her and ask, "Who the fuck is Rod Stewart?" with a completely normal conversational volume.
She obviously turned bright red and was humiliated. He started chuckling. They had small talk across me the rest of my flight. He then got off the flight and dapped up with Oscar de la Hoya, who was also on the same flight apparently.
That's it. That's my "celebrity on a plane story".
This cat that ran into Kate Winslet in Cannes though? Yeah he's a dick. He's completely and totally full of shit when he says, "I just happened to be listening to Celine Dion". Fuck off dude. Celine #rox and I'll throw her on the TouchTunes at a dive bar on a Sunday funday. There's too much coincidental happenstance going down here. AirPods not connected? Wrong row? A TikTok weirdo that already gets a billion views a video?
Yeah he was just going out of his way to be an asshole and rack up another billion view video. That's fine and all; we want numbers at the Stool too; just don't lie to our faces about it in the content.
This is how you approach celebrities at the airport:
That is UNLESS you read their body language and see they're clearly comfortable with randos asking for pics and sigs. If you happen to be behind them on the jetway, just toss them a "Big fan!" comment and carry on. If they give something as little as a nod and immediately break eye contact, you must IMMEDIATELY cease all forms of communication with them. If they smile, say "thanks!", offer a handshake and seem genuinely appreciative of your fandom, then and only then do you ask for a picture and begin to make small talk.
Don't try to snipe pics of them without their knowledge like this guy did after admitting he was annoying the shit out of Winslet. That's TMZ stuff. Don't be a douche bag. That's what this guy did and he lied to our faces thinking it was some happenstance occurrence. No shot. He knew what he was doing....probably.
Jim Jeffries should address this in his "airplane etiquette" standup skit:
On another completely different note, Jim Jeffries "Alcoholocaust" tour is one of the greatest standup hours I've ever seen. Piss pants funny. Go watch it.