Cue the Duckboats | Championship Collection for Banner 18SHOP NOW

Advertisement

VIDEO: Nightmare Karen Calls The Cops On A Hero Cop Trying To Enact Justice Against Criminal Moped Rider

So much to unpack here. First off, we can make some safe assumptions here. That moped is stolen. Not only stolen, but it has been tampered with. There is no reason for it to be able to travel as rapidly as it is traveling. That is not a street-legal moped. That is not a moped you could whip around the windy switchbacks of Sicily with some belladonna's arms wrapped around your pasta-bloated belly. Why, you'd careen into the Tyrrenhian Sea without any chance of maneuvering her body beneath yours as a cushion against the jagged marlstone cliffs! You'd both die, which is such a waste of your life! 

Secondly, I'm all for aiding the police when they need help. I DREAM of sitting cross-legged atop the writhing back of a man deep within the grips of bath salts while the handsome constable affixes handcuffs to his trackmarked wrists. It's the reason I do core work. But this nasty lady is not only NOT helping, she's tattling! She's calling the cops ON THE COPS. 

Hey, bitch? How about you pull up and join the fight for justice? We could really use another car up there. Best case, traffic sees you answer the call of citizenry and then a few more cars rise to the occasion and all of a sudden, we've got a flying V of virtue that prevents the mopedeer from cruising to his next bank on the hit list. I've seen The Place Beyond the Pines one too many times to not know when a talented motorbike rider is casing multiple banks in one day. This guy is coming from a bank and heading to a bank as sure as a full-court layup drill. 

Either way, thank God for the NYPD. Not all heroes wear capes; some wear badges. 

PS- hearing that alternate side parking was suspended sent a familiar chill down my spine. Glad to have that hellish musical chairs in my rearview.