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The Philadelphia 76ers Are Heroes, Rescue Nick Nurse From Spending A Decade In Canada

The Philadelphia 76ers have been getting kicked squarely in the dick by the sports gods repeatedly for years now. Whether it was the Colangelo family coming in and fucking up this entire organization. Moving up in the draft to take Markelle Fultz over Jayson Tatum, and Fultz immediately forgetting how to shoot a basketball. Ben Simmons never learning how to shoot a basketball in the first place and subsequently becoming the biggest head case in the league. The Kawhi Leonard quadruple doink in game 7. 

Pretty much everything that has happened to this organization over the past 5 years leads me to believe that they are legitimately cursed. The sports gods have it out for the Sixers, and they are relentless. 

It's as clear as the night is long. And with that being the case, this team desperately needed to go out and do something to reverse all the negative karma this offseason. They needed to do a good deed to get the sports gods back on their side. So what did they go out and do?

They go out and rescue Nick Nurse after spending a decade in Canada. They smuggled the man across the border and now Nick Nurse gets to enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of Freedom yet again. Just in time for summer, too. 

This poor bastard has been in Toronto since 2013. He probably doesn't even remember what an actual slice of pizza tastes like. He hasn't had an order of fries that weren't doused in gravy and cheese curds in a decade. And now the Sixers are the organization to bring him home. That has to count for something in the eyes of the sports gods. 

As far as X's and O's go? Honestly who gives a shit right now. The Sixers are still the Sixers, and it doesn't make sense to get excited about anything this team does until they prove that they aren't just a bunch of losers who will fade out in the 2nd round. Obviously I've seen everybody make the same exact joke on Twitter about Embiid's knee ligaments falling off the bone when Nick Nurse plays him for 45 minutes a night. But maybe it works out? Maybe it doesn't? Guess we'll see. 

P.S. -- Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? The Sixers went from a Doc to a Nurse. Typically it's the other way around, amirite?