It's Time To Flip The Pancake Game on Its Head By Becoming Fearless
Let's go ahead and get the obvious out of the way first.
Pancakes are good. It's as simple as that. They are good.
That being said, sometimes pancakes are actually bad. Why? Well, I contend that the first bite of a fresh hot cake might be the best single first bite on the breakfast table. The warm syrup. The butter. The beautifully cooked fluffy pancakes hit your lips and you whisper, "Oh baby. That's a fuckin pancake. Yup. That's the good stuff."
You go for another bite. Delicious. You go for another bite. Delicious. You go for another bite. Delicious. You go for another bite. The pancakes are getting a little soggy and wet. Good though. You go for another bite. These pancakes are basically disgusting at this point. A soggy mess of damn-near goo that's cold as hell. It's sad.
That's why it's time to make a change.
Ever heard of hummus? No? Really? Wow. That's odd but hummus is a popular Middle Eastern dip or spread made from cooked, mashed chickpeas (also known as garbanzo beans) blended with tahini (a paste made from sesame seeds), olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, and various spices (think paprika and things like that). It is a staple in Middle Eastern cuisine and is widely enjoyed around the world especially by basic white bitches.
When people have hummus, they will enjoy it with a cracker, carrot sticks, or for our purposes here, pita bread. People will tear off a chunk of bread and scoop up some hummus with it. They don't just lay a thick layer of hummus all across the pita and cut it up. That would make no sense at all! No, they tear it and scoop it like the Abrahamic gods intended.
Why can't we do that with pancakes? I mean, I know you can but why don't we? Take this morning for instance. I was EMBARRASSED trying this out in public. One woman came up to me near gate A-16 and spit directly in my face. It was snotty spit too. In fact, it was so snotty that Im worried she has a sinus infection. Left unmedicated, that could lead to some serious issues like headaches and nausea. She called me a fucking pancake cuck and tried to get security to remove me from the restaurant near the Hudson Book Store which Im thinking about going to because I wanna buy an airport book that I'll never read. Ill just toss that bad boy in my bag and never look at it again. I hate that because I'm going to spend 20 minutes reading the backs of the books and think this one will be interesting. It won't though, well, I won't know because I'm not gonna read it because I don't really like books about shipwrecks even though I always think I will. We get it, dude. The boat sank smh.
Anyway, I'm a Marine. I fought in Fallujah. Eating pancakes like hummus and pita in public was the most scared I've ever been. But you know what? I will no longer be shamed for enjoying pancakes in a superior way simply because social norms have dictated we use a fork and knife like barbarians. Who are we trying to impress? I eat to impress myself from this day forward which is why the old adage says that courage is not the absence of fear but rather moving forward in the face of fear.
I go forward from here.
Im a pancake dipper now and if that's too much for your virgin sensibilities, that's your problem. Im having a new pancake feel and taste on every pancake bite 50. Join me or don't but the next time you are halfway through your stack and you hate the pancakes, remember this blog and remember there was a better way but you actively chose the road more traveled.